Frequently Asked Questions That Nobody Asked Me So I Had To Make Up
Q: Will you marry me?
Q: Are you really a dimwit?
A: No, not really. I’d consider myself more of a knuckle dragging, slack-jawed, nincompoop, but I went with The Dimwit Diary for simplicity sake.
Q: You’re really funny. Why do you have so few followers?
A: Most likely because I insult my readers with names like bunghole and dimwitted half-breeds, but also because I have this false notion that if my writing is witty and funny enough, people will somehow magically find me in a sea of 6.7 million other bloggers without having to do any sort of marketing or promotional effort on my part.
Q: So in other words your blog sucks?
A: Well, yes. That too.
Q: What goals do you hope to accomplish with The Dimwit Diary?
A: To make people laugh, to inject some humor into peoples’ lives, to encourage people to think. Just kidding!!! To hook up with some internet hotties, of course.
Q: Who are some of your favorite authors?
A: I’m not really an avid reader to be honest. But out of the authors that I have read, I would have to say my favorites are J.D. Salinger, Tennessee Williams, Mark Twain, and Tammy Faye Messner’s biography, Tammy: Telling It My Way.
Q: Do you like to wear turtlenecks?
A: Every chance I get, every wedding or holiday party that I ever attend.
Q: Are you high?
A: Assuming you mean high on life, then yes. I’m as high as a Christmas goose.
Q: How come you’re so awesome?
A: Probably because I sold my soul to the Devil back in the 1st grade in exchange for a 4 ounce container of Mott’s applesauce (in retrospect, I probably should have asked for more applesauce). But the Devil must have misheard me and thought I said a 4 ounce container of awesomesauce. I also watched a lot of Fresh Prince and listened to a lot of Vanilla Ice growing up, which certainly didn’t hurt my cause.
Q: In one hashtag, how would you describe your blog?