wordads | The Dimwit Diary

Get this you dimwits. I’ll get to the funny business here in a second. I have a bunch of funny stuff coming up, but I have to get down to some other bu$ine$s first.

I think I’m getting the boot. All my WordAds are starting to disappear. POOF! Just like that. I think someone reported me or something, just because I told them to stick it up their greedy, corporate arse in my previous post. Unbelievable. I thought I lived in a free country, but I guess not. This is tyranny. I re-read their terms of service, and I haven’t violated anything. Nowhere in the terms of service does it say that a person can’t tell them to stick it up their greedy, corporate arse.

That’s what I get for listening to rap. I never liked rap before. I just started listening to it a few years ago just when I go running, or when I pull up to a red light in my Toyota Camry and crank some Jay-Z to impress the gal that pulled up beside me. It never works, by the way. I think I need bigger rims.

I’m back to running this week and I’ve been listening to a lot of rap again. I guess Eminem must’ve rubbed off on me, and I had to open my big mouth and slam corporate America. Thanks a lot Slim Shady. Now I’m back to ZERO dollars earned off of writing in 8 years. I’m never gonna afford that big ass yacht.

Well, the thing is, I actually don’t mind the ads. I’ve watched several of them myself. Since I write about trying to save the children and other inspirational topics, the ads are usually pertaining to outreach programs and community oriented stuff. There was a really good one by Adrian Grenier from the show “Entourage.” He’s a really cool dude, and he’s trying to make a difference in the world by using his celebrity status. So here I am trying to make a difference in the world myself. I lost 15 pounds writing last month trying to save the children, and I get the boot. Makes a lot of sense.

I already have a plan if that’s the case. I’m hoping that it’s not, but if I get terminated, then I’ll just go to WordAds biggest competitor and add them to my blog. Whatever. I’ve survived 8 years of writing without getting paid, and I’ll continue writing regardless. I’m a determined mofo. I’ve got ideas for 6 books, so I’ll get paid one way or another. I just thought it’d be nice to have a little extra pocket change to eat at Arby’s.

Anywho, I created this rap persona a few years ago called “The Kasual Kid.” That’s me, or him in the photo above. I keep a flow book, and I spit mad rhymes every now and again. I rap about things like shower loofas and the hard life growing up in the country tipping cows. Maybe someday I’ll dig out a few flows and share them with you. But I have more business to attend to for right now.

This is a thank you to the folks that stopped reading and dropped me like a bad habit. I’m about to share some really funny stuff here in the next few weeks / months. At least I hope it’s funny. Some of you will probably think so. The others that didn’t wait it out through all my crazy, mad stories, or got offended by a few things they disagreed with, well, they’ll miss out on all the funny stuff.

I use it for motivation. I like to know people are reading. It does mean a lot to me. You guys and gals have been very kind with your comments, likes, shares, ect. But I also like to know that certain people aren’t reading. It gives me the drive to want to become a better writer. I gave a thanks to all of you dearest dimwits who stuck around in the previous post, but this is a thanks to those that left. It’s about to get real fun around here again.

One last thing. I’d like to reconcile with WordAds if possible. I don’t like to bite the hand that feeds me $7.33. They don’t have to pay anything. It’s a nice service, really. So here’s an ad I made for them to promote their business and try to smooth things over.

Take care you dimwits. I will do the same.

Wooooooo doggie! It’s been a while since I’ve done one for the ladies and the gay gentlemen, so here you go. Here’s an autographed topless photo of me while out for a jog the other day.

I’m back to running and I haven’t drank for a week. Ladies, it’s worth mentioning that I’m very much single and I’m super awesome at taking out the trash. Totally just kidding. Taking out the trash is the worst. But for the love of God, would one of you girls just marry me already. I haven’t french kissed a girl in like 5 years, and I’m getting tired of making out with my pillow night after night.

Anywho, enough complaining. It’s been a while since I’ve done a proper thank you to you dimwits. I used to do up something special for every milestone: 50 followers, 500 followers, 1,000 followers, 70 gagillion followers, ect. But then somebody brought it to my attention that calling people followers maybe isn’t the best term, because the word follower has some sort of sheepish connotation to it.

You dimwits aren’t sheep. You’re tigers, you’re leaders. You’re wonderful people, so I’ll just leave it at that. I’ll just say thank you for reading however many of you there are, because it means a lot to me. It used to just be my mother reading this damn thing and it got annoying with her commenting all the time, and nobody else (Hey ma, I need to borrow $1,000 pronto. Wire it to my account. Thanks.)

I hate math. I hate it even worse than taking out the trash, but I wanna go over some math with you real quick. I made my first money ever off of writing last month. I put these stupid ads on my blog because I wanna buy a big ass yacht. Guess how much money I earned the first month? A whopping 7 dollars and 33 cents. Woopty do, dinner is on me ladies. Looks like we’ll be eating at Arby’s and we’ll have to share that chocolate milkshake. If there’s any money left over, we can go buy a cookie from Subway. 7 dollars and 33 cents. What a crock.

I got out my calculator. I’ve been writing for about eight years now, so I’ve earned roughly one dollar per year. I’d say over the course of a year, I average writing and Photoshopping about an hour a day. So that’s 365 hours per year. One dollar per year, divided by 365 hours, equals .0027 per hour. Now, keep in mind the big ass yacht that I want to buy costs 65 million dollars.

I did some more math. Math is seriously the worst. I’d rather watch reruns of Lucy than do math. I forget how I came to the answer exactly, but I figured out at this rate, I’d have to write for about 15 billion more hours to be able to afford the 65 million dollar big ass yacht. Sounds about right. What a crock indeed. I think I’m gonna start making candles instead of writing. At least my apartment will smell nice.

No, but seriously, I do enjoy writing and I plan to continue writing in the future as I get time. I know my blog is confusing, and as a result, I’ve lost a lot of folks along the way. Sometimes I write serious, sometimes funny. Sometimes I share sad stories, sometimes I make Photoshop tutorials. Sometimes it’s photos, sometimes it’s videos. For a simpleton, I’m a very complex man. But through all the various writing – up and down, sideways and backwards – some of you have stuck around through the whole thing, and that’s really cool. I appreciate it mucho. So this is my thanks to you.

I don’t like to make promises, but I think I worked a lot of stuff out last month. I’m feeling good, so I think I’ll stick to some really funny writing for a while. I have a bunch of ideas, some old stuff, some new stuff. We’ll just see where the road leads. It better lead me to that big ass yacht. 7 dollars and 33 cents. Hey WordAds, suck it! Take your $7.33 and stick it up your greedy, coroporate arse.

Well, anyway ladies and gay gentlemen. Here’s a bonus video especially for you. It’s a compilation video I made a few years back of my professional modeling photos. I put it to the song “Love Is On the Way” by Saigon Kick. Better get the cold shower ready.

Thanks again you dimwits. Have a nice day. I will do the same.