Well, first off, let me begin with an apology. I was not myself the last tutorial. I was angry. I was furious. I wanted to smash Jon Bon Jovi’s face off the side of a curb and bury his Olivia Newton-John looking hair into the bowels of the sewers of New Jersey. It was just a very bad day, but nothing that a lot of whiskey and a few jagerbombs can’t fix. So, sorry for that. Pulled it together, dusted myself off, and ready to go. It’s time to begin our supercalifragilisticexpialidocious Mary Poppins lesson.
So let me be the first to admit that I’ve never seen this damn movie in my entire life. You’d have to shoot me first before I go around watching Mary Poppins. But somebody made the request that since we did ferocious wolves in pop up tents the last time, this time could I do one more for the ladies and gay gentlemen. So I said, “Fine. It would be my pleasure.”
Since I’m not familiar with Mary Poppins, I did a little fishing around online. As far as I can tell, it’s about some super nanny that flies around like a witch, wearing floppy hats, except for using brooms to fly around in, she uses an umbrella. Sounds like a winner. I’ll be sure to check it out sometime, right after I finish up my will and swallow a fist full of pills.
Let’s begin today’s Photoshop lesson and get it over with, shall we? I suppose we shall.
Step 1: Pray To Jesus
This step is self explanatory, so no need to ramble on. In addition to praying to Jesus, I will be listening to lots of Pantera. Ladies and gay gentlemen, feel free to substitute Pantera with Chitty Chitty Bang Bang. Whatever floats your boat. To each their own.
Step 2: Selecting Flying Umbrella Witch Images To Combine
Above are the two primary images I’ll be combining together to make our Mary Poppins flying umbrella witch poster. On the far right is a photo of my Mom and my youngest sister. As you can see, my Mom is making her usual goofy face, holding an umbrella the size of Jupiter, and doing her best to embarrass me in public. She will make a perfect Mary Poppins flying umbrella witch for the purpose of this demonstration for sure.
Step 3: Getting Rid Of The Floppy Hat Flying Umbrella Witch
So by now, you’ve already learned to do enough lassoing of ferocious wolf heads and smoking hot blonds in previous lessons, so I’m going to skip that portion. I will teach you some new tricks to become a Photoshop master like me, so one day all of your friends will bow down to you in mighty awe.
Go to the upper, left hand corner and select the Clone Stamp Tool. Here is a visual of where you can find the tool. Take a good look, cause it’s the last time you’ll be seeing super nanny flying through the air, toting around her oversized duffle bag, and looking pensively off into the distance with her rosy cheeked witch face.
So basically, I’ll try to walk you through this as best I can in as few words as possible. I don’t feel like being here all day looking at flying umbrella witches, as I’m sure you don’t either.
Make a new layer of the Mary Poppins original photo. Once you’ve got a new layer, select a sample of the clouds using the Clone Stamp Tool by pressing Option click. Once you’ve got a sample to clone with, you will essentially be copying portions of the sky and clouds to cover up super nanny extraordinaire. Here is a visual of what the process should look like.
Son of a bitch, not again. Sorry for the screaming bald-headed eagle Photoshoppers. That’s my mistake, so just ignore. We will get to you in a minute baldy, so shut your beak and give it a rest with all the screaming before I lasso that beak shut for good. I already have enough of a pounding headache between Pantera and flying umbrella witches, and honest to God.
I have no idea why I do this crap to myself. Making these Photoshop tutorials. I never liked Photoshop in college to begin with, so here I am teaching Photoshop lessons on Mary Poppins and Chitty Chitty Bang Bangs. I swear it’s like I lived another life and was sent back to teach Photoshop lessons as a punishment or something. Well, just ignore the screaming bald-headed eagle, and let’s move on before I have another nervous breakdown and have to go see my doctor again.
So as you can see from the photo above, I replaced the rosy cheeked witch face with a cloud. If you look closely, you can see that I sampled the cloud to the immediate left, and basically just cloned that cloud to cover up Poppins’ floppy hat wearing face, which if you ask me is an improvement. No offense to any Marry Poppins fans out there. All things aside, I’m sure she’s a terrific nanny.
So that’s what you’ll wanna do. Keep taking samples of the sky and clouds near the area that you want to cover over, so it matches up pretty close. Doesn’t have to be perfect, because most of it will be covered up with my Mom and her umbrella the size of Jupiter in the next step.
Step 4: Superimposing My Mom And Her Umbrella The Size Of Jupiter
Welp, that’s it. I hate to cut this short, but I’ve reached my limit and we’re only 5 minutes into this godforsaken thing. There’s only so much of flying umbrella witches a person can take. I’ve got some frisbee to go play, so here’s the deal. Basically, I lassoed my Mom and her big ass umbrella and made a new layer. I took that image, and imported it into the Poppins photo.
It’s gets complicated from there, so you know what. If you want a futher lesson, then how about you dimwits give me a call. I’ll come over, we’ll drink some whiskey, smoke a cigar, and Photoshop flying umbrella witches all night until the sun comes up. It’ll be a great time. And if you’re a nice lady and you want a lesson, it will be an even greater time, except for I’ll either be passed out drunk or probably just be puking in the bathroom after staring at floppy hat witches all day, so probably won’t be as great of a time on second thought. But just call me or something, cause this is getting to be a real headache for me to keep typing it out like this. Whatever I did in the past life musta been something major, that’s all I can figure.
I’m wrapping this nightmare Poppins witchfest up, and getting sloshed.
Here’s your Mary Poppins flying umbrella witch poster. I added in a screaming bald-headed eagle, because I saw in a few photos that Mary Poppins likes birds. Just for good measure, I added a wicked thunderstorm and a couple of fierce lightening bolts, cause I thought it looked pretty cool, and more like something that super nanny witches would probably be into. I also gave my Mom a rosy cheeked witch face, so here you go.
Congratulations on making a Mary Poppins flying umbrella witch poster. That concludes the tutorial for today. Join me next lesson as I teach you how to Photoshop yourself into the previous life, and correct all the mistakes you’ve made using the Magic Eraser Tool found in the upper, left hand corner. Can’t wait.