2012 Mayan Edition Wall Calendar

Well, you dimwits asked for it, so fine.  You’re the bosses.  Here’s a wall calendar featuring twelve, hot and sexy poses of your’s truly.  Make sure you ladies and gay gentlemen are sitting down.  I can’t be held responsible for any sudden heart attacks.

I created the wall calendar back in 2012 when I thought the world was going to end.  The theme of the calendar centers around death and destruction, but it turns out the Mayans suck at math just the same as me.  The world was spared from doom.  What a bunch of losers.  They must have had a similar Algebra teacher as me in high school.  Mr. Glessner was cool and all, but he was also always hungover.  Loud noises and teaching math gave him a headache, so we usually just played paper football during class instead.  It’s no wonder I’m a total dimwit.  That’s your tax dollars hard at work.

The wall calendar took me an entire week to Photoshop at 12 hour days.  I probably spent close to 80 hours making the damn thing.  Halfway through creating it, I wondered if this would be one of those times when I’m laying on my deathbed, reflecting back on my long and lustrous life, that I would wish I had that week back.  Wishing that my life would have been different.

Yeah, probably.  But too late.  Here you go, you dimwits.  Perhaps I’ll create a new wall calendar for next year in time for the holidays, and you can give it as a nice gift to yourself or your significant others.  Wouldn’t that be something.  It surely would.

001 January Mayan Calendar002 February Mayan Calendar003 March Mayan Calendar004 April Mayan Calendar005 May Mayan Calendar006 June Mayan Calendar007 July Mayan Calendar008 August Mayan Calendar009 September Mayan Calendar010 October Mayan Calendar011 November Mayan Calendar012 December Mayan Calendar

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A Day In the Life of a Movie Location Scout

001 Pittsburgh

Well, Pittsburgh’s no Qatar, but it is definitely a beautiful city.  This is a shot taken from the rooftop of the Convention Center in downtown.  You should see it all lit up at night.  I love my city.  I love Pittsburgh.

I worked 20 hours yesterday.  Ah, yeah.  I’m officially back to scouting on the movies, and it feels good, if only for just this week.  There’s more work coming down the pike and I’ll be back at it full time very soon.  Making that ca$h monies, living the dream.

Scouting on movies is wild.  It’s full throttle, action packed, hustling, on the go.  Seeing some of the most interesting and beautiful locations all over the city and surrounding areas, and meeting all sorts of people.  Just to give you an example of an average day, a few of yesterday’s highlights went like this:

– Scouted several ornate churches built in the early 1900’s.  Got the history on Tiffany Glass stained windows, and got to see the windows up close and personal.  Climbed to the bell tower, got pigeon poop in my eye, but the view was worth it.  Not too many people get to climb the bell tower.

– Scouted the Convention Center.  Security guard told me all about how her daughter was an extra in a movie.  She wants to be an extra in a movie, too.  Everyone everywhere you go wants to be an extra and wants you to keep them informed when the movie fires up.  It’s exhausting, but people are so friendly and nice.

– Scouted a hotel restaurant.  The one waitress gave me the history of the giant mural painted on the wall.  She pointed out several flaws in the painting then insisted I check out their new speak easy restaurant and led me downstairs to peek in the window.  The gal was pretty, blond and enthusiastic.  I think she liked me.  I took a photo of her and two of the other waiters, and told her I’d be back sometime to say hello.

– Ran into a homeless person.  She wanted me to take her photo sitting on a bench.  I did. Then she asked me what I was doing.  I explained I was scouting on a movie, and she told me of her concerns that if we choose this particular church for a location, she and the other homeless people won’t have a place to sleep on the adjacent hidden sidewalk at night.  I assured her I would take care of her, and see to it that she has a place to sleep somewhere else if we end up filming here.  Said goodbye.  Had to run.

Speaking of having to run, gotta go.  I had a short break in between making phone calls to set up appointments today.  I have a list of 20 locations to try and get into today and tomorrow.  Many more adventures to be had.  Just wanted to check in.  I’ll respond to comments and such maybe this weekend.  I have another 20 hour day ahead of me.   Cheers.

One last thing, please do me a favor.  I like to help people out when I can.  This really talented artist that goes by the name Alexandra is in a competition.  She’s so sweet and talented (and super cute!)  She’s just got a great spirit about her and very humble.   I want to help her win this competition, so could you please click the link and vote for her on Facebook.  It will only take less than 2 minutes of your time.  I worked a 20 hour day, but I took the time to try and help her out.  It would mean a lot if you dimwits did the same.

Click the link here to go vote for her.  Also, check out her site.  She has this favorite series of mine with these cities of miniature houses she makes out of paper receipts and candy wrappers.  It’s truly amazing.  Give it a look when you get some time.  Thanks so much.  Off for some more adventuring…

002 Pittsburgh003 Pittsburgh004 Pittsburgh005 Pittsburgh006 Pittsburgh

Facebook Odds & Ends – Volume Three

Have you ever wondered what the big deal is about the privacy issues with Facebook?  I’m about to school you.  This one’s for Zuckerberg, that slimy weasel.  That sell out.  Handing over people’s private information for profit.  Time to go to class.

As I’ve stated before, I’m no longer on Facebook with the exception of staying connected with my family.   I’m rarely on Facebook anymore.  WordPress is now my home for causing trouble and ensuing hilarity.  But when I was active on Facebook, sometimes I would click on random stranger’s profiles.  The majority of them had their privacy settings so that you couldn’t see their photos, but some of them left their photos public.  Booyah.  I would leaf through random stranger’s photos and download various pics that I found either humorous or interesting.

I wasn’t sure what I was going to do with the photos, if anything.  But they were made public property.  They were now mine and yours thanks to your boy, Zuckerberg, and all the many changes Facebook makes throughout the years.  If you don’t stay on top of it, your photos very well could be made public without your knowledge.

So what’s the big deal?  Most likely nothing.  That is unless someone with a creative mind, too much time on his hands, and killer Photoshop skills gets a hold of them.

Chris Winter

Above is a photo of me that I’ll be using for the purpose of this educational demonstration.  With a little Photoshop magic, I’m about to go make some new Facebook friends.  These are complete strangers.  I’ve never met any of them in my life.  If you happen to recognize any of the folks, tell them I said hello.  And if you don’t recognize any of them, don’t worry.  I’ve downloaded several hundred more photos, so maybe your friends will be in the next round.  And who knows?  Maybe some of you dimwits will be as well.  Now let’s go Facebooking, shall we?  We definitely shall.

*   *   * 

SwingVollyballBeach BabeLakeSwinging BridgeMirrorTree HuggerNorth CarolinaCemeteryGhetto Booty

*   *   * 

Change your Facebook settings to private, you dimwits!  And make sure you tell Zuckerberg to suck it.  That slimy weasel.

40 Must See Photos of Italy

Three years ago, I took my Mom on a two week vacation to Italy.  It’s always been a dream of hers to visit the motherland, so I was happy to be in a position to finally see that her dream was fulfilled.

Despite a few tense moments to be expected when a mother and her 32 year old son team up to travel, it was a great trip.  We traveled to Rome, toured the Colosseum, visited the Vatican, took a train to Sicily, walked the beaches, drove the countryside, and ate gelato until our hearts were content.

Whether you’ve personally been to Italy or have only seen the beautiful country through photos, I think you’ll find a mother-son take to be a fresh perspective.  I previously posted 25 must see photos of Italy back in March.  This time I’m upping the ante.  Without further ado, may I present 40 must see photos of Italy like you’ve never seen before.

1.  My Mom taking a picture of an Italy tour guide book
001 My Mom taking a picture of a Italy tour book

2.  My Mom taking a picture of a map of Italy
002 My Mom taking a picture of a map

3.  My Mom taking a picture of me reading a brochure
003 My Mom taking a picture of me reading a brochure

4.  My Mom taking a picture of a pine tree
004 My Mom taking a picture of a pine tree

5.  My Mom taking a picture of a barren tree
005 My Mom taking a picture of a barren tree

6.  My Mom taking a picture of a TV
006 My Mom taking a picture of a TV

7.  My Mom taking a picture of a monk
007 My Mom taking a picture of a monk

8.  My Mom taking a picture of a nun
008 My Mom taking a picture of a nun

9.  My Mom taking a picture of Jesus
009 My Mom taking a picture of Jesus

10.  My Mom taking a picture of a severed head
010 My Mom taking a picture of a severed head

11.  Me taking a picture of a severed head
011 Me taking a photo of a severed head

12.  My Mom taking a picture of a fruit salad
012 My Mom taking a picture of a fruit salad

13.  My Mom taking a picture of a Coke can
013 My Mom taking a picture of a Coke can

14.  My Mom taking a picture of a McDonald’s dessert menu
014 My Mom taking a picture of the McDonalds dessert menu

15.  My Mom taking a picture of red chili peppers
015 My Mom taking a picture of chili peppers

16.  My Mom taking a picture of oranges
016 My Mom taking a picture of oranges

17.  Me taking a picture of bread
017 Me taking a photo of bread

18.  My Mom taking a picture of me eating pizza crust
018 My Mom taking a picture of me eating pizza crust

19.  My Mom taking a picture of me eating liver and onions
019 My Mom taking a picture of me eating liver and onions

20.  My Mom taking a picture of me dipping bread in olive oil
020 My Mom taking a picture of me dipping bread in oil

21.  My Mom taking a picture of me ordering cheese
021 My Mom taking a picture of me ordering cheese

22.  My Mom taking a picture of me eating cheese
022 My Mom taking a picture of me eating cheese

23.  Me taking a picture of my Mom ordering cheese
023 Me taking a picture of my Mom ordering cheese

24.  My Mom taking a picture of me sitting in a chair
024 My Mom taking a picture of me sitting in a chair

25.  My Mom taking another picture of me sitting in a chair
025 My Mom taking a picture of me sitting in another chair

26.  My Mom taking a picture of me looking at an iron gate
026 My Mom taking a picture of me looking at an iron gate

27.  My Mom taking a picture of me looking at a napkin holder
027 My Mom taking a picture of me looking at a napkin holder

28.  My Mom taking a picture of me contemplating suicide
028 My Mom taking a picture of me contimplating suicide

29.  My Mom taking a picture of a lady with a bag over her head
029 My Mom taking a picture of a lady with a bag over her head

30.  My Mom taking a picture of a police car
030 My Mom taking a picture of a police car

31.  My Mom taking another picture of a TV
032 My Mom taking a picture of another TV

32.  My Mom taking a picture of snails
033 My Mom taking a picture of snails

33.  My Mom taking a picture of a dog
040 My Mom taking a picture of a dog

34.  My Mom taking a picture of a cow
034 My Mom taking a picture of a cow

35.  My Mom taking a picture of a horse
035 My Mom taking a picture of a horse

36.  Me taking a picture of a seagull 
036 Me taking a picture of a seagull

37.  A close-up picture of a seagull 
037 A Close Up of a seagull

38.  My Mom taking 86 pictures of a sunset
038 My Mom taking 86 pictures of a sunset

39.  A picture of me and my Mom at the Trevi Fountain in Rome
039 Me and my Mom at the trevi fountain in Rome

40.  My Mom taking one last picture of a TV
040 My Mom taking yet another picture of a TV

Chris Hinton’s Life Book – Chapter Two

It’s Memorial Day.  I should be out eating a juicy hamburger off the grill or relaxing by a river somewhere, which I still might end up doing depending on where the day leads me, but I had to get chapter 2 of my life book written up for my future adopted son.  Share a few things that were on the Dimwit’s mind while things are nice and quiet.

For those that haven’t read chapter one yet, my former room mate is in the process of adopting a child.  The adoption agency asked her to put together a life book, which is essentially an overview of a person’s life in pictures so the child can begin visualizing and getting comfortable with the idea of living a life with their new parent(s).

Since my former room mate is a single, she asked me if I would spend some time with the little tike to fill in the role as a male figure whenever I’m available.  Of course I agreed to this arrangement.  Even though it wasn’t required, I went ahead and started putting together a life book of my own just so the kid can start getting familiar with my life as well.  This one’s for you, Junior, from your soon-to-be new daddy!

Chris Hintons life bookLatin Assisin

Here’s your Pops hanging out at the Moose Lodge with his favorite local wrestler, the Latin Assassin!  Son of a gun just finished up a tough match fighting his arch nemesis, the Drunken Luchador, but he came out victorious in the end.  I met up with him after the match and he let me wear his champion belt and everything!

I can’t wait to take you to the Moose Lodge so you can meet him for yourself.   Hope you aren’t squeamish of a little blood and don’t mind watching guys bash each other’s heads with metal chairs.  It can get a little rough from time to time, but it makes for an entertaining evening.

Mani Pedi

Check it out, Junior!!  It’s some of your crazy aunts and your Gram hanging out with your Dad!  The family was going through a rough spell at the time, so I took the ladies out to get a manicure to get their minds off of things – treat them nice and spoil them rotten.

I’m gonna teach you how to treat a lady and how to rally around the family when times are tough.  Family and friends are the most important thing you’ve got in life.  I’m gonna take good care of you too, so don’t worry.  Maybe we’ll even take the gals out for a manicure again sometime and both get our nails painted just like daddy’s nails below!!!

Breast Cancer Mani Pedi

The pink breast cancer awareness ribbon turned out pretty nice, huh?

Best Friend

Get used to seeing this face, son!!!  Sorry it’s covered up by the big umbrella.  Daddy took a crappy photo, but I wanted to introduce you to my best friend, Greg.  Like I was saying, family and friends are the most important thing in life.  This guy helped Pops get through some tough times and vice versa.  We hang out a good bit, so you’ll probably run into him at some point down the road.

Qual Hunting

Greg or Mom will probably have to teach you the real manly man stuff.  I’m not much into things like guns and punching people in the face, but here’s me with this really rich guy I met.  He invited me to go on a quail hunting expedition!!

I met him on one of the movies I was working on.  We just sorta connected.  He’s into pointer dogs and quail hunting so he asked daddy if I’d like to tag along one afternoon.  I couldn’t pass up on that one!!!  Life is short son, so see as much of the world as you can, even if you might not like wearing funny orange hats and shooting quail with shotguns.

Piano Player 2

This is more your daddy’s speed.  Playing the piano blindfolded!  I quit taking piano lessons back when I was 11 or 12, when one of your uncles started calling me Liberace.  Brothers can be mean to one another sometimes.  What I didn’t know later in life was that the ladies go nuts over a piano player!!!  Keep that one in mind for the future.

I had a real good drunken night with one of the actresses on a film I was working on several years ago.  Played the piano with her up on the 17th floor of the hotel she was staying at, until the hotel staff came up to tell us to be quiet because some of the hotel guests were complaining that we were being too loud at 3 AM!!!  Phooey on them.

I shoulda stuck with it more, but I can still get around a piano pretty good.  I’ll teach you how to play sometime.  Playing an instrument is a lot of fun.  Everyone should at least try it.

Love

Here’s your daddy reading a book to a few of your cousins.  I like reading children’s books.  I’ll read some to you, but I’ll just warn you ahead of time.  I don’t like to stick to the words in a book and I make up my own stories.  They can get pretty wild –  stories of kids getting trapped in a well or something like that – but I try to give them a happy ending so the kids don’t stay up all night with nightmares.  I think you’ll like daddy’s stories.  Your cousins seem to enjoy them.

Pirates Game

Here’s your daddy at a Pirates game!!!  The Pirates stink.  They’re the most miserable team in all of baseball, but it’s still a nice ballpark to hang out at for a few hours.  Sometimes I’ll get all dressed up for the game wearing yellow outfits or I’ll dress up like a pirate.  I don’t really get into baseball all that much, but it’s fun to just sit around with thousands of other people, get a little tipsy, cheer for the home team, and take in the tastes, sights and sounds of the ballpark.  I’ll take you sometime but you can’t drink any beer with me until you’re of age.  Mom would kill me!!!

Homeless Person

I saved this one for last, Junior.  It’s another important one.  This nice black gentleman isn’t one of your cousins or your uncles.  He’s a homeless person.  Your daddy likes to walk around the streets at night sometimes and take photos of the city.  I end up running into homeless people a lot just because of the dark alleys and the dark places I visit when I’m roaming the streets.

I ran into this nice guy and a few other homeless people a few years back.  There was a barbecue festival going on not far from the bench where I met them.  You could smell the ribs and all the food wafting through the air, so I told the others to sit tight.  Took the black guy with me.  I took him to the barbecue festival and told him pick out whatever food him and his buddies wanted.  PILES OF FOOD.  Ribs, corn on the cob, steak, potatoes.  You name it!!!  We loaded them up into containers and we took the food back to the other homeless people sitting on the bench.

Shoulda seen their faces light up like a full moon on that night!!!  I like to do things like that.  Some people say things to your Dad like, “You’re a bad person.”  “You drink and carry on too much.”  “You’re going to hell.”  But I don’t listen to them for the most part.  They don’t know the places that I’ve been just the same as they don’t know the place that I’m going when I die.  Those people who like to point fingers are called hypocrites.  When you encounter a hypocrite, you listen to them politely and just smile and shake your head.  Don’t mouth off too much unless they continue to challenge you, then you can answer them however you see fit.  Most the times they shut up when they meet a person who has a lot of knowledge and can challenge them right back.

I’m gonna teach you how to be a good person, son.  I might even take you sometime when daddy goes and feeds the homeless.  I gotta wait until you’re older, cause it’s dangerous traveling dark alleys at night by yourself.  I gotta wait until you can run fast, because one night, your daddy might get himself into deep trouble with the homeless folks.  He might get hurt and need you to run off to get him some help.  Don’t tell Mom this one, either.  I don’t want her worrying about me and you, but I gotta teach you about all the parts of life.  The pretty and the gritty, so that one day you have a shot at turning out to be a nice young man.  We’ll ease into it.  You’re still a kid, so I want to give you a chance to stay that way for a while.  These are things we’ll revisit when the time is right.

All right, son.  I’ll send you more photos and stories down the road so you can get to know more about your Dad.  I have a bunch of them.  I’ve been to a lot of places, some good and some bad.  Right now I’m headed to a secret spot of mine by the river to sit and relax.  One day I’ll take you there, too.   It’s peaceful and nobody’s around to point fingers.