goals | The Dimwit Diary

Double your pleasure, double your fun. It’s a double post kinda day. Doubly exciting. And to what do we owe this pleasure, you ask? Welp, we reached 3,000 dimwits, and going strong. Most excellent, dear readers. Thanks and double thanks.

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My brother texted me the other day – the brother that I always talk about. He goes by the one syllable name, Joe, but I call him “Broseph.” It’s a play on his full name Joseph and him being my brother incase you didn’t put two and two together. I’m terrible at math myself, so don’t feel so bad if it went over your head.

Broseph reads my blog regularly. He said in the text, “You’re really finding your voice. And it’s fantastic.” Then he went on to say something about hurry the hell up and write my book. To which I replied something like, “Thanks dude! I’m close, oh so very close.” Then I said something lame about how my blog is like a very rough sketchbook, and the book will be my finished painting. It was LAME-O. Lamesville, USA. But it’s kinda the truth, I hope.

When I write on my blog, it’s just me dumping my thoughts onto a screen real quick. I don’t put much time into it. I don’t go back and fix things. I just sit down and write whatever’s on my mind at the time. Let it all gush out. I’m just as surprised as you are to see what comes out of my mouth, believe me. I can’t believe some of the stuff I write. What a dimwit dingaling!!! The Captain of the Dimwits, for sure.

Well, this is a post mainly to say thanks to those who read my madness even though I just thanked you a few posts ago. It really does mean a lot to me. It also meant a lot that my brother told me he’s eagerly anticipating my finished book, because unlike me, he actually does read a lot of books. He knows a good writer when he reads one, and he insists that I have what it takes. He tells me I have something special, so I take his word for it. It’s a very trusted word.

I sure hope Broseph is right. I sure hope I have a doozy in me. I think I do. I’ve begun saving up money to take off time next year to give it a stab. See what happens. And today, I just lined up a cabin to stay for free out in North Carolina. I saw photos, and it looks like the perfect kind of place to write a beautiful painting. I’m going for a masterpiece. One for the ages. Or at the very least, one to stick on top of the toilet for when you’re bored.

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Of course with me, saying thanks is never quite enough, so I went ahead and did up a nice photo to include on the inside jacket of the book. I don’t know. I may play around with it some more. Photoshop a parrot on my shoulder, or maybe an eye patch, or something more Pirate-esque. It needs a little something more, but it’ll have to do for now. I autographed the photo for you and everything. When the real book comes out, the very first book I’ll autograph will be for Broseph. I have to think more of what I want to say, but I’m sure I’ll come up with something.

Here you go, you dimwits. Thanks.

And one last quick thing speaking of autographs. A while back, I told you about how I’m sorta friends with Stephen Chbosky – the author of “Perks of Being a Wallflower.” I met him on the movie version of the book two years ago and I stayed in touch somewhat.

Well, I recently asked Stephen to autograph a book for my former roommates’ newly adopted, teenage daughter. The teenage gal is a big fan of Perks. My former roomie sent me a text a week or so ago. She included a photo of her daughter just after she opened up the package to reveal the signed book. Her daughter had her hands clasped tight together, held close to her chest. Almost like a position of an answered prayer. Her face was pure glee. She was crawling out of her skin with delight.

When I finish my book, I’m going to sign it and do the same sorts of things as Stephen. I hope it will be a light for others. I hope it will be a spark for certain people that desperately need a light or a spark. I hope to make a newly adopted teenager’s day when she’s going through a really rough spell. I hope my book will be an answered prayer for some.

I sure hope my brother is right. Thanks Broseph. Double thanks.

Well, well. We’re already over the halfway mark for the year 2013 and it’ll soon be August. It’s hard to believe. Time flies when you’re having fun.

At the beginning of the year, I made a list of New Year’s resolutions. Just thought I’d take this opportunity to share the list and give a quick progress report for those that might be interested. For those that are not interested, I’ve included a link to view Def Leppard’s official music video for “Pour Some Sugar On Me.” Click here for some of the craziest, coolest one armed drumming action you’ve ever seen, and for some of the biggest mullets in rock history.

I’ve put a check mark by the completed resolutions and indicated the outstanding ones in red. Let’s get rocked, Def Leppard aficionados. One armed drumroll please…

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Chris Hinton’s 2013 New Year’s Resolutions:

#1) Get a pretty cool haircut just like the movie stars ( √ )
#2) Learn how to play Eddie Van Halen guitar solos on a keytar so that I can impress my friends at parties ( √ )
#3) Eat more celery and kale for dinner instead of chili cheese dogs and one pound burritos ( √ )
#4) Get in shape so that I can bend down to tie my shoes just like the “good old days” ( √ )
#5) Do at least one thing a day that scares me (ie: doing math, saying “Bloody Mary” in the mirror three times in a row, or listening to a Nicki Minaj song the whole way through) ( √ )
#6) Visit a wax museum ( No )
#7) Visit a non-wax museum ( √ )
#8) Buy new car mats ( √ )
#9) Clean out the fridge ( √ )
#10) Get married ( No )

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Welp, there you have it. Eight down, two to go. I still have plenty of more time before the year winds down, but I’d like to keep my foot on the gas pedal. Crank this mutha up a few decibels. I’m a real go-getter.

There’s a bunch of newbies around here (welcome you dimwits). Perhaps some of you are single ladies? Feel free to check out my latest rejected Match.com dating profile if you haven’t already, and let’s see if we can’t knock the last two off the list.

I’ll see one of you lucky gals at the wax museum. Look for me. I’ll be the one wearing a burgundy turtleneck tucked neatly inside his daisy dukes. Make the most of the remaining year, you all. I will do the same. Hugs and kisses.