Chris Hinton’s 2013 New Year’s Resolutions Progress Report

Posted on July 21, 2013 by The Dimwit Diary

Well, well. We’re already over the halfway mark for the year 2013 and it’ll soon be August. It’s hard to believe. Time flies when you’re having fun.

At the beginning of the year, I made a list of New Year’s resolutions. Just thought I’d take this opportunity to share the list and give a quick progress report for those that might be interested. For those that are not interested, I’ve included a link to view Def Leppard’s official music video for “Pour Some Sugar On Me.” Click here for some of the craziest, coolest one armed drumming action you’ve ever seen, and for some of the biggest mullets in rock history.

I’ve put a check mark by the completed resolutions and indicated the outstanding ones in red. Let’s get rocked, Def Leppard aficionados. One armed drumroll please…

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Chris Hinton’s 2013 New Year’s Resolutions:

#1) Get a pretty cool haircut just like the movie stars ( √ )
#2) Learn how to play Eddie Van Halen guitar solos on a keytar so that I can impress my friends at parties ( √ )
#3) Eat more celery and kale for dinner instead of chili cheese dogs and one pound burritos ( √ )
#4) Get in shape so that I can bend down to tie my shoes just like the “good old days” ( √ )
#5) Do at least one thing a day that scares me (ie: doing math, saying “Bloody Mary” in the mirror three times in a row, or listening to a Nicki Minaj song the whole way through) ( √ )
#6) Visit a wax museum ( No )
#7) Visit a non-wax museum ( √ )
#8) Buy new car mats ( √ )
#9) Clean out the fridge ( √ )
#10) Get married ( No )

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Welp, there you have it. Eight down, two to go. I still have plenty of more time before the year winds down, but I’d like to keep my foot on the gas pedal. Crank this mutha up a few decibels. I’m a real go-getter.

There’s a bunch of newbies around here (welcome you dimwits). Perhaps some of you are single ladies? Feel free to check out my latest rejected Match.com dating profile if you haven’t already, and let’s see if we can’t knock the last two off the list.

I’ll see one of you lucky gals at the wax museum. Look for me. I’ll be the one wearing a burgundy turtleneck tucked neatly inside his daisy dukes. Make the most of the remaining year, you all. I will do the same. Hugs and kisses.

Facebook Odds & Ends – Volume Three

Posted on July 19, 2013 by The Dimwit Diary

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Have you ever wondered what the big deal is about the privacy issues with Facebook? I’m about to school you. This one’s for Zuckerberg, that slimy weasel. That sell out. Handing over people’s private information for profit. Time to go to class.

As I’ve stated before, I’m no longer on Facebook with the exception of staying connected with my family. I’m rarely on Facebook anymore. WordPress is now my home for causing trouble and ensuing hilarity. But when I was active on Facebook, sometimes I would click on random stranger’s profiles. The majority of them had their privacy settings so that you couldn’t see their photos, but some of them left their photos public. Booyah. I would leaf through random stranger’s photos and download various pics that I found either humorous or interesting.

I wasn’t sure what I was going to do with the photos, if anything. But they were made public property. They were now mine and yours thanks to your boy, Zuckerberg, and all the many changes Facebook makes throughout the years. If you don’t stay on top of it, your photos very well could be made public without your knowledge.

So what’s the big deal? Most likely nothing. That is unless someone with a creative mind, too much time on his hands, and killer Photoshop skills gets a hold of them.

Above is a photo of me that I’ll be using for the purpose of this educational demonstration. With a little Photoshop magic, I’m about to go make some new Facebook friends. These are complete strangers. I’ve never met any of them in my life. If you happen to recognize any of the folks, tell them I said hello. And if you don’t recognize any of them, don’t worry. I’ve downloaded several hundred more photos, so maybe your friends will be in the next round. And who knows? Maybe some of you dimwits will be as well. Now let’s go Facebooking, shall we? We definitely shall.

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Change your Facebook settings to private, you dimwits! And make sure you tell Zuckerberg to suck it. That slimy weasel.

Facebook Odds & Ends – Volume Two

Posted on July 17, 2013 by The Dimwit Diary

Before I got sucked into this vortex otherwise commonly referred to as WordPress, I had another outlet to post all of my madness. The other outlet was this little social network site you mighta heard of called Facebook.

I’m no longer on Facebook, with the exception of staying connected with just my family. It’s maybe better that way. Alcohol, late nights, and Facebook do not mix well together. I proved that correct on one too many occasions, so I finally decided to pull the plug. But before I pulled the plug, I collected some of the highlights throughout the years.

The following are some Facebook exchanges between my mother and I involving unicorns, birthdays, and such. Facebook odds & ends, volume two.

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Ten Famous Autocorrected Quotes – Volume Three

Posted on July 15, 2013 by The Dimwit Diary

Suppose a young man with a wild imagination and too much time on his hands went to a greasy spoon diner one evening at 3 AM. Suppose the same young man grew tired of all the belligerent drunks and lot lizards that usually frequent a greasy spoon diner late at night, so he began to surf the interwebs on his smart phone to occupy his time until his gyro omelette and rye toast were ready to be served.

Suppose that while killing time surfing the interwebs, the young man came across some famous quotes and later stumbled upon the humorous website, Damn You Autocorrect. Now suppose the imaginative young man with too much time on his hands got to thinking:

“What if all the famous authors, poets, artists, philosophers, and great leaders of history had to use a smart phone to type their inspiring quotes? Would their quotes sound any less smart? Would they be any less inspiring? What would the quotes read like if these great historical figures had to put down their pen and paper, and use the same means of communication that we use today – texting, tweeting, emailing, and other forms of social media? What if the famous quotes were subject to autocorrect?”

Suppose the young man’s thoughts were to materialize. I suppose you would get something like this. Ten famous quotes given the autocorrect treatment, volume three.

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My God. What have we done. Modern devices and social media are destroying our love shaft. Our language! Destroying r language! For volumes one and two, click the links below.

Ten Famous Autocorrected Quotes – Volume One
Ten Famous Autocorrected Quotes – Volume Two

40 Must See Photos of Italy

Posted on July 14, 2013 by The Dimwit Diary

Three years ago, I took my Mom on a two week vacation to Italy. It’s always been a dream of hers to visit the motherland, so I was happy to be in a position to finally see that her dream was fulfilled.

Despite a few tense moments to be expected when a mother and her 32 year old son team up to travel, it was a great trip. We traveled to Rome, toured the Colosseum, visited the Vatican, took a train to Sicily, walked the beaches, drove the countryside, and ate gelato until our hearts were content.

Whether you’ve personally been to Italy or have only seen the beautiful country through photos, I think you’ll find a mother-son take to be a fresh perspective. I previously posted 25 must see photos of Italy back in March. This time I’m upping the ante. Without further ado, may I present 40 must see photos of Italy like you’ve never seen before.

1. My Mom taking a picture of an Italy tour guide book