2012 Mayan Edition Wall Calendar

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Well, you dimwits asked for it, so fine.  You’re the bosses.  Here’s a wall calendar featuring twelve, hot and sexy poses of your’s truly.  Make sure you ladies and gay gentlemen are sitting down.  I can’t be held responsible for any sudden heart attacks.

I created the wall calendar back in 2012 when I thought the world was going to end.  The theme of the calendar centers around death and destruction, but it turns out the Mayans suck at math just the same as me.  The world was spared from doom.  What a bunch of losers.  They must have had a similar Algebra teacher as me in high school.  Mr. Glessner was cool and all, but he was also always hungover.  Loud noises and teaching math gave him a headache, so we usually just played paper football during class instead.  It’s no wonder I’m a total dimwit.  That’s your tax dollars hard at work.

The wall calendar took me an entire week to Photoshop at 12 hour days.  I probably spent close to 80 hours making the damn thing.  Halfway through creating it, I wondered if this would be one of those times when I’m laying on my deathbed, reflecting back on my long and lustrous life, that I would wish I had that week back.  Wishing that my life would have been different.

Yeah, probably.  But too late.  Here you go, you dimwits.  Perhaps I’ll create a new wall calendar for next year in time for the holidays, and you can give it as a nice gift to yourself or your significant others.  Wouldn’t that be something.  It surely would.

001 January Mayan Calendar002 February Mayan Calendar003 March Mayan Calendar004 April Mayan Calendar005 May Mayan Calendar006 June Mayan Calendar007 July Mayan Calendar008 August Mayan Calendar009 September Mayan Calendar010 October Mayan Calendar011 November Mayan Calendar012 December Mayan Calendar

73 thoughts on “2012 Mayan Edition Wall Calendar”

    • Too bad Jay-Z put a ring on it, because me and Beyonce sure had a nice thing going. But you’re right. Time for the single ladies to get in line. And if they don’t? I’ll just Photoshop them in anyhow. Thank you :)

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  3. I am blown away! This is exactly how I imagine you. Now I now the meaning behind my poem
    “wings thrumming”….On a serious note, nice work!

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    • Well, I’m a little schizophrenic, but this calendar best represents the true me. You can’t take me anywhere! (unless you’re cool with getting kicked out of places.) Thank you, dear.

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      • getting kicked out is half the fun. I am cool with that, but would like to bring a yellow parasol (I see you own one) I don’t leave with out a fight.. Heart

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  5. OMGosh, it is beyond me as to why you have not been discovered and carted off to Hollywood, NYC., or even Bollywood, yet. You are absolutely a world treat! I sincerely have never encountered anyone as talented a prankster as you. And, one look at your face, begs that age-old question, why hasn’t a beautiful princess carried you off to Wonderland.

    Seriously, many of us are in need of Christmas gifts for those hard to buy folks. We’ll be looking for your calendar in 2014!
    Cowboy, you iz magical. ;)
    P.S. don’t work too hard this week!

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    • I’m always working it, Cowgirl! I don’t know how to rest and perhaps that’s the problem. These poor gals couldn’t keep up with me even if they tried. I’m a stallion, roaming the countryside, free and wild. Some of us were just weren’t meant for the stables. Some of us were meant to gallop through the rivers and pastures. Something like that. But if the right girl came along, i suppose I’d stop long enough to see what she had to say. I need a horse whisperer!

      I’ll work on that 2014 calendar. Good to hear from ya Cowgirl. Yee-haw!

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  7. You are a nut, that made me laugh like crazy. I must say, your Photoshop skills are seamless, WOW really well done and very creative. The Wolf is so funny and January made me roar…very sultry, come hither look you’ve managed. I can’t imagine such a inept math teacher. He’s long since retired I hope or managing a ailing liver. February hardly even looks like you. You are an enigma :)

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  9. January –is about not having enough cash to pay the motel bill thus ending up on sledge
    Feb -is about the team…who were happy to have you sit and pose rather than play
    March – is about history and you are the mystery :)
    April- the girl for the pose was absent and you had to do it, that instant ;)
    May- After the pose you had no backbone left.
    June- You got blurred vision and got lost in mission.
    July- was hot but you were cool, had a back drop picture to fool..
    August- was the only time you had a perfect friend in nature..wuff wuff
    September- was the time global order changed and you had to sell the old lot ..in person
    October – Halloween was easy..your normal attire did the trick and got treat
    November- You ate too much..so it shows
    December–year ended but you are still without any proper accommodation..
    Must say..your entire Year..those 365 days were so revealing about you..in trouble and fantasy..

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        • Lollll. When I saw the title of Herbert’s opinion piece – about a deoacrmcy deficit in the U.S. – I just had to read it last night, fully expecting it to plumb the depths of incoherent idiocy. And it did, it did. What Herbert’s complaints had to do with deoacrmcy, I don’t think he ever mentioned, nor could I figure it out. I dreaded the thought of fisking it – and am quite glad to see that you have done the yeoman’s work. In the dictionary under the term “affirmative action,” I bet you will find Herbert’s picture.

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  15. love it! i think march is a very lovely picture despite the death and destruction on the background; i loved june and all that black and white craziness; i have to admit though that august, my birthday month, was lacking a lil’ bit. the wolf is awesome but just not as fun of background. september though, magnificent! you setting the world on fire (in a positive way im sure)… yep pretty awesome. :) have a great day!

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    • Formerly I posted at sevaerl sites (Redstate Hotair NRO Ace of Spades to name a few). Now I only comment here since I find myself in agreement with almost everyone and everything here. Thanks for all you guys do to make this site so timely and interesting. Not to mention the fun we have with lib’s prog’s Marxists Communists but then I repeat myself. Thanks again.

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  23. January: Shawn White snow boards into your head: Smack!.. February: Tony Hawk skates by and kicks you in the crotch: Ouch!.. March: Magic Johnson (still not my dad) becomes a zombie and tries to eat your head Yikes!.. April: Prince and purple acid rain comes down on top of you arrg!.. May: Walter White says: This isn’t meth.. throws *fake* *its just Hollywood folks* fulminated Mercury at you and boom!.. June: Eye doctor called.. he wants to use you as a test *of mental capacity*.. July: I bet there’s rich folk eating in a fancy dining car, they’re probably drinking coffee and smoking big cigars.. August: Jack London called: he wants to star you *and the wolf* in a off, off, off, off, really far off Broadway production of “Call Of the wild”.. September: I have an idea for a movie (since you scout sites): Only you and Jodi Foster can travel on a alien spaceship.. wait..this sounds familiar.. October: Eye doctor called again.. report to his office asap and this time no arrrrrrrrrguments.. November: Donna Summer roller skates by and kicks you in the crotch ewwwww!.. December: The animated foot from Monty Python squishes you and the theme song begins. Btw: The Mayans called.. they want their calendar back.

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  24. I can’t believe how serene you look despite the world crashing down around you in March. BTW, I posted some pics of Qatar in case you’re interested in seeing it from the lens of resident with absolutely zero photography skills.

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    • Have a nice flight back home!Was the cnceort good? Yesterday, we had Monteverdi’s Orfeo, in Avignon ; jolly good, in my opinion.Let us know if you find everything in working order when you get home….

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    • Hey just wanted to give you a brief heads up and let you know a few of the pcutires aren’t loading correctly. I’m not sure why but I think its a linking issue. I’ve tried it in two different web browsers and both show the same outcome .

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  33. LOL! Oh how I wish I could ave made the cut…. We could have been in our matching matron mock turtle necks and snow sunglasses together on that snowmobile! My arms would be fastened securely at your waist and my eyes would be saying “He’s so dreamy”! Next time my friend:)

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  38. Hi DW. Sitting in coffee shop in Sri Lanka (formerly Ceylon!) sipping local tea and eating ham sandwich on account of fact I am out of Middle East for few days and ham has become a guilty treat. What to do with this calendar. An awesome epic. A tour de force, as book critic arseholes are prone to saying. But in your case it’s richly deserved. I have just asked the lad making the tea to run down the street to a printer that I noticed few hours back. Have decided to hit the streets of Colombo tonight giving out copies to all the impoverished tuk tuk drivers as reward for their life efforts and to cheer them up. Will also give them the option to sell on at inflated prices to overweight Westies who deserve to be relieved of their dollars. Expect a huge surge in hits from down here. Millions of potential dimwits. Take it easy. MB

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  40. LMFAO. Seriously. You are really funny! I really liked them all but I found May, September and November to be particularly hilarious!!!! March is very nice – looks like that may just be you. Looking forward to reading more of your older posts!

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  42. Sure the best gift goodbye, or is it goodbye gift? Well 2012 is almost over in Alrha Century so good thing I got this in time. By the way love the photoshop photos, you should give me a couple of hundend lessons.

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Fire Away You Dimwits