Well, you dimwits asked for it, so fine. You’re the bosses. Here’s a wall calendar featuring twelve, hot and sexy poses of your’s truly. Make sure you ladies and gay gentlemen are sitting down. I can’t be held responsible for any sudden heart attacks.
I created the wall calendar back in 2012 when I thought the world was going to end. The theme of the calendar centers around death and destruction, but it turns out the Mayans suck at math just the same as me. The world was spared from doom. What a bunch of losers. They must have had a similar Algebra teacher as me in high school. Mr. Glessner was cool and all, but he was also always hungover. Loud noises and teaching math gave him a headache, so we usually just played paper football during class instead. It’s no wonder I’m a total dimwit. That’s your tax dollars hard at work.
The wall calendar took me an entire week to Photoshop at 12 hour days. I probably spent close to 80 hours making the damn thing. Halfway through creating it, I wondered if this would be one of those times when I’m laying on my deathbed, reflecting back on my long and lustrous life, that I would wish I had that week back. Wishing that my life would have been different.
Yeah, probably. But too late. Here you go, you dimwits. Perhaps I’ll create a new wall calendar for next year in time for the holidays, and you can give it as a nice gift to yourself or your significant others. Wouldn’t that be something. It surely would.
You are the master of photo shop. Bet all the single girls will be lining up screaming for a signed version. :)
Too bad Jay-Z put a ring on it, because me and Beyonce sure had a nice thing going. But you’re right. Time for the single ladies to get in line. And if they don’t? I’ll just Photoshop them in anyhow. Thank you :)
Uh. This isn’t what I asked for you dimwit. I was going more for the playgirl pin up of the year ….
Wha wha WHAT?! You don’t find a photo of me at the Chuck E Cheeses with the tube thingy set on fire to be sexy? Fine. I will do more topless photos of me bathing in waterfalls and throwing hay bales for the next calendar. Missed you my love <3
signed, PEE PANTS
a lil less on the bottom area would hurt either. NO CROPPING in that region tho…
I am blown away! This is exactly how I imagine you. Now I now the meaning behind my poem
“wings thrumming”….On a serious note, nice work!
Well, I’m a little schizophrenic, but this calendar best represents the true me. You can’t take me anywhere! (unless you’re cool with getting kicked out of places.) Thank you, dear.
getting kicked out is half the fun. I am cool with that, but would like to bring a yellow parasol (I see you own one) I don’t leave with out a fight.. Heart
OMGosh, it is beyond me as to why you have not been discovered and carted off to Hollywood, NYC., or even Bollywood, yet. You are absolutely a world treat! I sincerely have never encountered anyone as talented a prankster as you. And, one look at your face, begs that age-old question, why hasn’t a beautiful princess carried you off to Wonderland.
Seriously, many of us are in need of Christmas gifts for those hard to buy folks. We’ll be looking for your calendar in 2014!
Cowboy, you iz magical. ;)
P.S. don’t work too hard this week!
I’m always working it, Cowgirl! I don’t know how to rest and perhaps that’s the problem. These poor gals couldn’t keep up with me even if they tried. I’m a stallion, roaming the countryside, free and wild. Some of us were just weren’t meant for the stables. Some of us were meant to gallop through the rivers and pastures. Something like that. But if the right girl came along, i suppose I’d stop long enough to see what she had to say. I need a horse whisperer!
I’ll work on that 2014 calendar. Good to hear from ya Cowgirl. Yee-haw!
August is fantastic. A wolf is a man’s best friend.
No doubt. Which reminds me, I’ve been wanting to go as Teen Wolf for Halloween for quite some time. I think this year might finally be the year I pull it off. Cheers, my friend.
There is no piece of cinema finer than Teen Wolf. Be sure to bring those top notch b-ball skills. Best of luck to you!
You are a nut, that made me laugh like crazy. I must say, your Photoshop skills are seamless, WOW really well done and very creative. The Wolf is so funny and January made me roar…very sultry, come hither look you’ve managed. I can’t imagine such a inept math teacher. He’s long since retired I hope or managing a ailing liver. February hardly even looks like you. You are an enigma :)
Thank you! It’s good to keep the Photoshop skills sharp, to justify that $60,000 college degree. Wouldn’t my college professor be proud if he saw me now :)
That is too creative!! I love it!
You’re so welcome!
January –is about not having enough cash to pay the motel bill thus ending up on sledge
Feb -is about the team…who were happy to have you sit and pose rather than play
March – is about history and you are the mystery :)
April- the girl for the pose was absent and you had to do it, that instant ;)
May- After the pose you had no backbone left.
June- You got blurred vision and got lost in mission.
July- was hot but you were cool, had a back drop picture to fool..
August- was the only time you had a perfect friend in nature..wuff wuff
September- was the time global order changed and you had to sell the old lot ..in person
October – Halloween was easy..your normal attire did the trick and got treat
November- You ate too much..so it shows
December–year ended but you are still without any proper accommodation..
Must say..your entire Year..those 365 days were so revealing about you..in trouble and fantasy..
Ha! Thank you for the calendar synopsis. Spot on.
Falling all over myself with laughter…Gives new meaning to the words, “Be careful what you ask for!”
Shoot! I spit my coffee on my laptop again… love that creative humor of yours!
Thank you and thanks for the reblog!
Thanks for being so damn funny! :)
Lollll. When I saw the title of Herbert’s opinion piece – about a deoacrmcy deficit in the U.S. – I just had to read it last night, fully expecting it to plumb the depths of incoherent idiocy. And it did, it did. What Herbert’s complaints had to do with deoacrmcy, I don’t think he ever mentioned, nor could I figure it out. I dreaded the thought of fisking it – and am quite glad to see that you have done the yeoman’s work. In the dictionary under the term “affirmative action,” I bet you will find Herbert’s picture.
Totally love my birth month photo! The yellow umbrella brought out your beauty Hahahaha! Me want one! Can you ship a desktop calendar to me? But can you edit our Beyonce’s head and place mine instead ;)
Ha! I think that can be arranged. :)
I’ll hold you to it, it better be under my Christmas tree come Christmas LOL
Is that really all there is to it because that’d be flstnergaabibg.
Reblogged this on Grins & Jade and commented:
This is a fine example of why you need to visit the Dimwit Diary Blog… He’s just flat out fun.
love it! i think march is a very lovely picture despite the death and destruction on the background; i loved june and all that black and white craziness; i have to admit though that august, my birthday month, was lacking a lil’ bit. the wolf is awesome but just not as fun of background. september though, magnificent! you setting the world on fire (in a positive way im sure)… yep pretty awesome. :) have a great day!
Thanks Stormy! And yes of course, setting the world on fire in a positive fashion. The world ain’t seen nothing yet. :)
If I came across that in the calendar store, I would buy it. Assuming, of course, that it was steeply discounted because it was a year old. :D
I would totally buy a calendar like this too if I stumbled upon it in the discount bin. In fact, I’m pretty sure I have before. You should see my junk closet. It’s a treasure trove!
This is the best thing ever.
Move over sliced bread, there’s a new best thing ever in town! Glad you liked it. Thank you.
Well hello Mr October lol
Well hello right back. ;)
The sheer brilliance that is that calendar cannot be put into words. Well worth the effort!
Thanks Jilly Bean!
Formerly I posted at sevaerl sites (Redstate Hotair NRO Ace of Spades to name a few). Now I only comment here since I find myself in agreement with almost everyone and everything here. Thanks for all you guys do to make this site so timely and interesting. Not to mention the fun we have with lib’s prog’s Marxists Communists but then I repeat myself. Thanks again.
Hysterically laughing. I may have peed a little. Now, I need to go onto K-Mart’s website so I can “ship my pants” to even things out.
Trying to decide if my night-time fantasies will include porn-stache you, or clean-shaven you. RAWR, my Tiger!! Much love from your Cougar! ;)
January: Shawn White snow boards into your head: Smack!.. February: Tony Hawk skates by and kicks you in the crotch: Ouch!.. March: Magic Johnson (still not my dad) becomes a zombie and tries to eat your head Yikes!.. April: Prince and purple acid rain comes down on top of you arrg!.. May: Walter White says: This isn’t meth.. throws *fake* *its just Hollywood folks* fulminated Mercury at you and boom!.. June: Eye doctor called.. he wants to use you as a test *of mental capacity*.. July: I bet there’s rich folk eating in a fancy dining car, they’re probably drinking coffee and smoking big cigars.. August: Jack London called: he wants to star you *and the wolf* in a off, off, off, off, really far off Broadway production of “Call Of the wild”.. September: I have an idea for a movie (since you scout sites): Only you and Jodi Foster can travel on a alien spaceship.. wait..this sounds familiar.. October: Eye doctor called again.. report to his office asap and this time no arrrrrrrrrguments.. November: Donna Summer roller skates by and kicks you in the crotch ewwwww!.. December: The animated foot from Monty Python squishes you and the theme song begins. Btw: The Mayans called.. they want their calendar back.
I can’t believe how serene you look despite the world crashing down around you in March. BTW, I posted some pics of Qatar in case you’re interested in seeing it from the lens of resident with absolutely zero photography skills.
Have a nice flight back home!Was the cnceort good? Yesterday, we had Monteverdi’s Orfeo, in Avignon ; jolly good, in my opinion.Let us know if you find everything in working order when you get home….
You crazy kid, you…..
October = excellence
January and August are particularly hilarious to me, and September is super cool.
Hey just wanted to give you a brief heads up and let you know a few of the pcutires aren’t loading correctly. I’m not sure why but I think its a linking issue. I’ve tried it in two different web browsers and both show the same outcome .
Hahahahaha! Damn good! That made my day.
February is my favorite. I appreciate your talent. :)
I’m so happy the world didn’t end. And my birthday is in February so that’s why it’s the best.
And now that 2012 is long over, that’s 12 rather rad album covers you have right there :-D
You never fail to make me laugh.
LOL! Oh how I wish I could ave made the cut…. We could have been in our matching matron mock turtle necks and snow sunglasses together on that snowmobile! My arms would be fastened securely at your waist and my eyes would be saying “He’s so dreamy”! Next time my friend:)
Dude! Amazing ass post! You have skills. This is awesome to the T. Favorite one is the wolf one. Wolfs are cool. I would have a pet wolf if they wasn’t so wild. Haha. Big ups to you man. Would most def would collab with you if that’s possible. Keep on shining
talented calendar boy – you rock…thanks for a much needed ‘real’ laugh, cheers!
I seriously don’t remember asking for this. However, it would seem I am seriously happy that you did.
For me, it’s all about July. Okay, and December 22…
Hi DW. Sitting in coffee shop in Sri Lanka (formerly Ceylon!) sipping local tea and eating ham sandwich on account of fact I am out of Middle East for few days and ham has become a guilty treat. What to do with this calendar. An awesome epic. A tour de force, as book critic arseholes are prone to saying. But in your case it’s richly deserved. I have just asked the lad making the tea to run down the street to a printer that I noticed few hours back. Have decided to hit the streets of Colombo tonight giving out copies to all the impoverished tuk tuk drivers as reward for their life efforts and to cheer them up. Will also give them the option to sell on at inflated prices to overweight Westies who deserve to be relieved of their dollars. Expect a huge surge in hits from down here. Millions of potential dimwits. Take it easy. MB
That’s one thing I miss about grade school: Trying to figure out which of our teachers were nursing hangovers.
LMFAO. Seriously. You are really funny! I really liked them all but I found May, September and November to be particularly hilarious!!!! March is very nice – looks like that may just be you. Looking forward to reading more of your older posts!
March is pure beauty, October is pure art. I LUV this calendar. It is so youuuuuuuuuu!
Sure the best gift goodbye, or is it goodbye gift? Well 2012 is almost over in Alrha Century so good thing I got this in time. By the way love the photoshop photos, you should give me a couple of hundend lessons.
What the heck is with the wolf in August? LOL
I wish we were not over-using the word “epic” this year, cause buddy, this is epic.
This is beautiful.