Well, you dimwits asked for it, so fine. You’re the bosses. Here’s a wall calendar featuring twelve, hot and sexy poses of your’s truly. Make sure you ladies and gay gentlemen are sitting down. I can’t be held responsible for any sudden heart attacks.
I created the wall calendar back in 2012 when I thought the world was going to end. The theme of the calendar centers around death and destruction, but it turns out the Mayans suck at math just the same as me. The world was spared from doom. What a bunch of losers. They must have had a similar Algebra teacher as me in high school. Mr. Glessner was cool and all, but he was also always hungover. Loud noises and teaching math gave him a headache, so we usually just played paper football during class instead. It’s no wonder I’m a total dimwit. That’s your tax dollars hard at work.
The wall calendar took me an entire week to Photoshop at 12 hour days. I probably spent close to 80 hours making the damn thing. Halfway through creating it, I wondered if this would be one of those times when I’m laying on my deathbed, reflecting back on my long and lustrous life, that I would wish I had that week back. Wishing that my life would have been different.
Yeah, probably. But too late. Here you go, you dimwits. Perhaps I’ll create a new wall calendar for next year in time for the holidays, and you can give it as a nice gift to yourself or your significant others. Wouldn’t that be something. It surely would.