No time for chit chat. No rest for the weary. Work has been crazy busy this month. It has the madman all tied up, but I just wanted to have a quickie with you dimwits before I get back to the grindstone.
One of these days I’ll share the story of how I broke into the biz. How I took the film industry by storm. It’s a pretty cool story. It involves lots of prostitution, a donkey, and piles of cocaine. I’m only kidding. The donkey had nothing to do with it, but it’s still a pretty wild story as you might have guessed. It’s been some bizarre life.
I don’t have time to respond to emails at the moment, but some of you have written me some incredibly endearing ones. It blows my mind. How could strangers be so kind to another stranger? How could they know just the right words to say at the right time? How could one man receive so many marriage proposals from married women in their 40’s and 50’s? Who the hell knows, but I’ll take it. Thank you to whoever you are. I’ve read your words, and one day when the dust settles, I’ll respond with some of my own.
Some people in the emails were curious what films I’ve worked on, so I thought instead of listing them out, I’d just include a link to my IMDb. I don’t know what the hell an IMDb stands for. I think it means I’m part of the Illuminati Members Distinguished Branch. Something like that. IMDb’s are only reserved for really smart, prestigious types, so that’s gotta be it. Click the link here if you wanna see what movies I’ve worked on. There’s some real stinkers in there, but a few okay ones, too.
Now, I’m not big into film myself. I rarely watch movies and I don’t own a television. I couldn’t tell you who’s who and what actor acted in what. I don’t follow that stuff even though I work in the film industry. I gotta leave room inside my head for other things. Like researching slang words for wieners and looking up funny, black people’s names.
I met a Lajuawna the other day. She has a daughter named Jacquilla. I had to ask her how to spell both names and it took up an entire page of my notebook to write it down. There were vowels and consonants all over the damn place, so I just gave up and called her Tina. I can spell Tina no problem.
Well, I gotta run. I’ll leave you with a behind the scenes photo booth session I had with Emma Watson back when I worked with her on “Perks of Being a Wallflower.” She was a real dear. We woulda made for a handsome couple, but it turns out Emma is allergic to donkeys and not so keen on my vast knowledge of slang words of the wiener variety. Her loss. She could’ve woken up to a face like this everyday.