Chris Hinton’s 2013 New Year’s Resolutions Progress Report

Chris Hinton 2013 New Years resolutions

Well, well.  We’re already over the halfway mark for the year 2013 and it’ll soon be August.  It’s hard to believe.  Time flies when you’re having fun.

At the beginning of the year, I made a list of New Year’s resolutions.  Just thought I’d take this opportunity to share the list and give a quick progress report for those that might be interested.  For those that are not interested, I’ve included a link to view Def Leppard’s official music video for “Pour Some Sugar On Me.”  Click here for some of the craziest, coolest one armed drumming action you’ve ever seen, and for some of the biggest mullets in rock history.

I’ve put a check mark by the completed resolutions and indicated the outstanding ones in red.  Let’s get rocked, Def Leppard aficionados.  One armed drumroll please…

*   *   *

Chris Hinton’s 2013 New Year’s Resolutions:

#1)  Get a pretty cool haircut just like the movie stars  ( √ )
#2)  Learn how to play Eddie Van Halen guitar solos on a keytar so that I can impress my friends at parties  ( √ )
#3)  Eat more celery and kale for dinner instead of chili cheese dogs and one pound burritos ( √ )
#4)  Get in shape so that I can bend down to tie my shoes just like the “good old days” ( √ )
#5)  Do at least one thing a day that scares me (ie: doing math, saying “Bloody Mary” in the mirror three times in a row, or listening to a Nicki Minaj song the whole way through) ( √ )
#6)  Visit a wax museum  No )
#7)  Visit a non-wax museum ( √ )
#8) Buy new car mats  ( √ )
#9) Clean out the fridge ( √ )
#10) Get married  ( No )

*   *   *

Welp, there you have it.  Eight down, two to go.  I still have plenty of more time before the year winds down, but I’d like to keep my foot on the gas pedal.  Crank this mutha up a few decibels.  I’m a real go-getter.

There’s a bunch of newbies around here (welcome you dimwits).  Perhaps some of you are single ladies?  Feel free to check out my latest rejected Match.com dating profile if you haven’t already, and let’s see if we can’t knock the last two off the list.

I’ll see one of you lucky gals at the wax museum.   Look for me.  I’ll be the one wearing a burgundy turtleneck tucked neatly inside his daisy dukes.  Make the most of the remaining year, you all.  I will do the same.  Hugs and kisses.

69 thoughts on “Chris Hinton’s 2013 New Year’s Resolutions Progress Report

  1. There’s a great Wax Museum in Vegas and plenty on not-very-choosy folks to marry… with the facilities to do it quickly. Two birds so to speak. Look for cheap tickets. The airport is right at the end of the strip so you can walk. You could knock out your list and be home for dinner. Good luck!

    • Mike, you’re a life saver! That’s brilliant. Me and the soon to be Mrs. thank you, and we’ll send you a little something nice from Vegas to show our appreciation. Like perhaps a cocktail napkin from the strip club or a token from the slots. Cheers!

  2. Keep hitting that list hard and you will be sure to complete your mission. Remember-“It’s better to burn out than to fade away.” (Cue one arm drummer cowbell)

    • I love you too Smithson! Maybe we’ll both find our gals when we’re out and about in the UK, and we’ll get married on the same night. Double wedding. Something tells me that’s very likely to happen. I can’t wait.

  3. Wow! Very impressive. Can’t wait to read how you knocked out the last two. Vegas sounds like an obvious choice, but you’re much more clever than that. If you’re going to wear a turtleneck and jorts for the nuptials, may I suggest a pair of black dress socks and some brown sandals to complete the ensemble? Add a carnation boutinere and you’ll be ready to go.

    • Wowza! You should be our wardrobe consultant for the wedding. That ensemble sounds like a can’t miss. I hope you like Franzia boxed wine, because it’s gonna be an open bar only serving up the best. A nice Franzia Merlot and maybe a white Franzia as well, chilled to perfection.

      • in a earlier post death and isnlels is something I feel like we will all face no matter what specialty we choose to work in, but oncology must see more than its fair share of sadness. I have heard from nurses and doctors that they seem to become numb to it or push it out of their minds, but I also think I would have a hard time dealing with it.

    • Like whoa, looks like I’m headed to Niagara Falls! I woulda been even closer to there if I had taken the movie up in Buffalo. Maybe I should reconsider taking the job. I’ll give it a day or two more, see if I get any bites here on the blog. If not, I’m headed to New York.

    • I am glad for commenting to let you be aware of what a faitastnc discovery my wife’s princess encountered checking yuor web blog. She picked up many issues, not to mention how it is like to possess a very effective helping character to get other folks without problems fully understand specified complex things. You actually surpassed my expected results. I appreciate you for imparting such beneficial, trustworthy, explanatory and even easy tips about that topic to Janet.

  4. Am I to take from this that getting married and having a clean fridge are synonymous? As in….. the wife will clean the fridge? Chris, Chris, Chris……….. I had such high hopes for you. Dim Wit’s mother, you can jump in any time here…….. AND Susan Sassi…. Take note…… You’ve got a live one on your hands. Note to self: Explain women to Chris when he is a captive audience on the dingy.

    Don’t make me leave you on the dock while Colin and I are sailing off into the wild blue yonder. Sheesh!

    • Ha! Yes, please explain the mystery of women to me. I can’t seem to solve it. So you’re saying it’s not good to make a list that goes: buy car mats, clean fridge, get married? So what you’re saying is I should get married first, then make the wife clean the fridge? Well, okay. If you say so. I’ll give it a try and let you know how it pans out. Thank you!

  5. I’m about to go ‘all-motherly’ on you. Get yourself over to the wax museum in the Fall. Things may be a bit off kilter over there right now, considering this danged heat wave.

    Don’t get too caught up in this marriage idea, unless of course you’ve been telling us fib-whoppers. You haven’t been holding out on us have you? There’s no Miss Lovely Lady you’ve kept secret from us for the past year or two? Cowboy, you are worthy of much more than a four month engagement. Are you getting my maternal drift? Remember, I’m a card carrying member of the AARP. What I lack in genius IQ, I more than make up for in horse sense. I have no doubt there are some beautiful and precious young ladies following this blog that are definitely contenders when it comes to being your Mrs. Chris Hinton.

    Now follow this old ladies advice. And put a little trust in the wisdom of my age. I caught my hubs 39 years ago. I’m stuck with him. I can’t go to the grocery store without him wanting to tag along. Shoe shopping, same thing. Girl’s night out? What’s that? My friends don’t think he needs to tag along, ‘just for the heck of it.’ We take two cars, and ditch him as quickly as possible. I’m always back home hours before him. He drives around in circles afraid that we ladies have been abducted. We’ve usually at the burger shake slurping a malted.

    Take your time. Enjoy life. One day, when you least expect it, the right person will walk into your life as you
    are dancing into hers.

    • Where are all these contenders, Cowgirl? It’s all married ladies who say they want to marry me. Where’s all the single ladies? A few of them wrote me, but I got drunk and sent them an email, and chased them all off. I’m back to square one, I guess. Girls are so finicky when it comes to that kind of stuff. I need an adventurous gal that understands the Cowboy and his dimwitted ways. One that’s not too fussy and likes to have a lot of fun joking around. Well, hopefully she’s out there, but if not, it’s cool. I’m only teasing about being in a rush to get married. I’m loving the single life. I get to have girl’s night out any night I choose :)

      XO

      • LOL! That last sentence is a riot.

        Oh, I’m sure there are some bright bulbs still in the box, but so many woman today are afraid to commit, having grown up in a time when they felt ‘entitled.’ Their mindset has many of them feeling they are deserving of everything, and that it’s up to the guy to fulfill their impossible dream(s). You guys are bumbling around trying to figure out, ‘just what the heck am I suppose to do/give to make this chick happy?’

        And then there’s the girl, who has this preconceived idea that all a guy wants is just, ‘some fun.’ And true, some guys are like that, but some girls are just as like-minded.

        You just keep on being true to yourself. Don’t change to suit someone, because you’ll only be harming your own integrity.

        Girls can be fickle, but eventually they mature. Same with you fellas. I tell ya, when you least expect it, that’s when it will happen.

        In the meantime, enjoy life. Us Dimwits are enjoying ours, immensely, vicariously through your writing. Just don’t try to force yourself to write and entertain the world; simply let it happen. Take breaks. Send us out the door when you need free space. Don’t do a Facebook to us, though. This is genuine fun. You’re headed places. Great and fascinating places. And all of us Dimmies are cheering from the sidelines!

        XO … Right back at ‘cha, Cowboy. ;)

        • Thanks, Cowgirl! Shucks, you always say the sweetest things. I’ll reserve ya a front row seat for the frog wedding, or perhaps one of these fine ladies will end up corralling this Italian stallion one of these days, after all. Until then, I shall roam free.

  6. Daisy dukes? You must have killer legs or amazing confidence. Either way the girls should flock to you. Good luck.
    I’ll cancel the moose lodge tomorrow by the way.

    • It’s the killer legs. Well, the confidence too. Don’t go canceling nothing! Hold onto those Moose Lodge reservations. You have to be persistent with me. I’m a dimwit. I got things all reversed, and so the girl has to chase me. That’s probably why I’m still single, but that’s just the way it is. I’ve never been a chaser, except for chasing after the wind and chasing after my friends in Wal-Mart when we ride bikes down the aisles.

      Here’s a nice photo just for you. It shows off the legs a little. You might want to be sitting down:

      http://thedimwitdiary.com/2013/04/11/50-followers-a-thank-you/

      • I didn’t listen. I checked out the picture and nearly fell down the steps. I’m hard headed but lesson learned. No more shorty shorts for me… I may even have to give up skinny jeans. You’re a lucky man with those killer legs!!
        Anyway, I was thinking maybe my proposal was a little bold…maybe not. I also did a little research, my handwriting is horrible and I have brown hair. I could try to improve the handwriting but I promised my grandma I would never change the color of my hair. Deal breaker??
        I also forgot to ask your mom if I could marry you. That’s so rude of me.
        In summary, I’m a walking disaster and I really enjoy the middle of the bed. How much space would you need? Seperate beds maybe??

        • I can live with the brown hair as long as you can live with me sporting a mullet and/or mustache on occasion. I think it’s only fair. We both will have to compromise a little here and there. Relationships.

          As far as the separate beds, that won’t be a problem. I always said if I got married, I’d have a separate bedroom. I guess some call it a mancave, but that’s the way to go. I mean, we can snuggle and whatnot when we’re watching Maury on the couch, but then it’s off to our separate rooms we go. This marriage is gonna go smoothly. Sweet.

  7. Dear Jesus. I just sent an emergency email to my daughter who is gone with the majority of young Irish students to the US. My advice “beware the man in the burgundy turtle neck!”. No offence but I want her home in August.

    • Hahaha! Well, I can’t blame ya. That’s your motherly instincts kicking in, and rightfully so. But I have to say, guys in burgundy turtlenecks get a bum rap. We’re usually the harmless ones, with the exception of getting arrested for petty things here or there (suspected terrorism for being out on a train bridge as it were in my case.) Hope your daughter has a good time! Tell her to keep her photos private, or else the burgundy turtlenecked man is going to find them :)

        • I’m sure you do! That’s probably best. I edited my life quite a bit for my mother. She woulda had a heart attack knowing some of the stuff that I did as a teen (and still today. Boys never grow up.)

          • Don’t I know it have one and married one! As for editing, that works both ways. I do not even recognize the me that my children think I was. Great at school. never bunked off, got great results and never drank until I was married! Oh and their Dad was the only man I ever dated. :)

            • Straight laced, nothing wrong with that. It evens things out for all us rotten ones. Well, I’m not that rotten, really. I guess just some rough edges is all. Bunked off – that’s a new one to me. I like that term. Cheers.

    • YES!!! Wouldn’t we be something in our cool pink and purple shades and matching outfits. Kinda reminds me out of something in the movie “Dumb and Dumber.” We could be “Dim and Dimmer.”

  8. I’m pretty sure they have the wax museum in Wisconsin Dells, Wisconsin yet. I went there as a young child. The memories are still with me…kind of haunting actually. They have a whole section on people being tortured from medieval times – people impaled, on stretching machines – that kind of “kid friendly” stuff. It becomes a truly special event when you are eight.

    • Ha! I had a few of those similar experiences myself as a kid. Mine was a scary haunted house when I was five. It’s one of the only memories I have from that age. I think the wax museum in Dells would make for a romantic first date. There would be a lot of holding onto one another, that’s for sure. That sounds wicked.

      • Hahaha….a romantic first date. I like your logic. Yes, it is frightening enough indeed that holding onto one another would happen! So when you are in Wisconsin, we will do this. The date would be followed up by the awesome fudge they make at one of the downtown shops. That’s my other memory of Dells visits. Take care and keep writing….like you would stop…ever…not. I enjoy your humor and fearlessness.

  9. Okay, here goes. I think it’s about time to really put the foot to the pedal and get this marriage thing taken care of. You’ve been proposed to at least fifty times that I know of and you go and get cold feet every time. No more dilly-dallying around. You’ll make such beautiful babies and I’m not getting any younger. I’d love to be around to spoil them. Get a move on it and start checking out these young ladies. It looks like you have a lot of wonderful choices!

    Ladies, some pointers: 1) he doesn’t like to feel smothered 2) he loves spontaneity (did I spell that correctly? Probably not) 3) Laughter is a must 4) he’s a lover not a fighter 5) you must have the travel bug 6) he’s a minimalist except when the money is rolling in and then he will buy you anything and everything and he never checks prices 7) he loves good food and good conversation 8) he really does prefer blondes (color your hair — he’ll never know the difference) 9) music is a must 10) — the big secret — if you want to know, look me up and if you seem sincere I’ll fill you in!

    Sure hope you don’t mind the help, Chris! I want to keep this ball rolling!

    Love,
    Mother

    • Okay, I’ll get right on it. But I’d rather you ladies work out all the details. How about I direct them to you, and you choose a good one? I have a tendency to get drunk and chase them off with wild emails at 3 AM. I guess you could list that one as #11 while you’re listing things.

      Well, good luck ladies. Just hit my Mom up, and she’ll take it over from there. I have frog ponds to go dance at and Photoshop tutorials to write up.

      • I’m seriously thinking you’re going to get this list accomplished! Send those drunk emails…..(see below). You’ll soon have somebody to join you at the frog pond! :-)

    • YES! Well, I think you’d be up for it. I thought the other ladies would be, but nope. It was crickets on the other end. I went back and read them, and they weren’t even that bad. This tiger needs a cougar! I’ll send you an email one of these nights. I look forward to your reply. :)

      • Have you ever known me to have a filter?? I figure life is short, and it’s best just to say what you mean. And you know, alcohol works just like truth serum! ;) Well tiger, I will be anxious to read that email.

  10. Hahahaha! Something tells me as long as you are willing to gamble some airfare on it…you’d have more than a few marriage proposals from WordPress alone! You’re loved here! :)

    Ps- Sorry to hear of the betrothal of your Internet love. If you ever want to Skype and have an ice cream and whiskey date I am here for you! ;)

    • Well, all right! It’s a date. I’ve only Skyped once before. I’m like a 90 year old grandpa when it comes to technology, but if there’s ice cream and whiskey involved chatting it up with a pretty lady, I’ll figure it out. Thanks!

  11. Well I’m single and I want to get marry ahahaha But we have 2 problems. 1. I’m to old for you (I’m 41 (well ok 42! my birthday is next moth Lol) and 2. I live in Cancun so we are a bit far from each other. And by the way I’m in match.com but honestly I dont see any handsome guys there, So I guess I’ll continue single forever and ever :'( !!!!!
    But if one they you come to Cancun we can drink some Tequilas & Corona :D!!!

  12. We could go to the David Wax Museum, but I guess that’s a band. Or is it a band named after a place? I’ll be the girl wearing the corduroy overalls and the gellies. Anyways, thanks for following my blog. whenicantsleepblog.wordpress.com

    • Well, aren’t we gonna be stylin’ and profiling! Hot stuff, moving through. They better put that wax in a freezer. I better stop right there, or else I’ll blow the date before we even make it to the museum. Cheers!

  13. I don’t have a filter either. If you want to send unfiltered emails to someone who will laugh their ass off at them, Im your woman. Heck, we can even talk about vibrators if you want…..

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