Photoshop Lessons – How To Photoshop Your Gremlin Kids Into A Star Wars Poster

Well, I don’t know what the deal is with you dimwits, but I have a hundred nieces and nephews.  At least it feels that way. It might as well be a hundred when they’re all gathered for the holidays, running around the house biting and screaming like a bunch of rabid animals.  The worst is, now some of them are into Star Wars.  They’ll go around for hours with their toy lightsabers, hacking away at my shins, and stabbing me in the neck.

I swear they’re lucky they’re cute kids, or else I’d take those lightsabers and snap them right in half.  Whoops, sorry about that, young Skywalker.  I’m hungover and trying to take a nap.  Now go bug your parents, and give your uncle a break with the dangblasted lightsabers already.  Cripes almighty.  I hate Star Wars with a passion.

Chris Star Wars Poster

Today’s Photoshop lesson, I will teach you how to Photoshop your gremlin kids into a Star Wars poster so that they’ll leave you the crap alone.  With any luck, maybe they’ll go off to a galaxy far, far away to admire their Star Wars poster instead of whipping around those friggin’ lightsabers like they’re Obi Wan Kenobi or something.  One could only hope.

Let’s begin today’s Photoshop lesson, shall we?  We shall, Jedi Photoshoppers.

Step 1:  Take Some Aspirin

Welp, I’ve been sober for about 2 weeks now.  It’s not as awesome as it sounds, trust me, but I don’t have any more money to go blow on whiskey binges every other night, so I’ll be doing this one completely uninebriated, unfortunately.  I’m just gonna have to dig deep to find another source of motivation.

Forget the music and booze.  I’m going in a different direction.  I’m gonna down half a bottle of expired Aspirin that I found in my shaving bag back from high school.  If you don’t have an expired bottle of Aspirin, feel free to substitute the Aspirin with some whiskey, wine, vodka, moonshine, uppers, crank, speed, meth, or all of thee above depending on how many kids of your own that you have.

Honest to God, I wish I had the Force right about now, cause I’d use it to snatch up my neighbor’s beer bottle in a flash.  I can see them outside grilling shish kabobs and drinking Coronas.  Must be nice living high on the hog.  I’m popping a few more Aspirins and going straight to bed right after this galactic fiasco is finished up.

Step 2:  Selecting A Swinging Sponge Mop Photo

Chris & Luke

Above is the original, untouched photo that I’ll be working with for this demonstration.  As you can see, it’s me getting in some quality bonding time with one of my nephews.  If you don’t have a photo of yourself swinging around a sponge mop to the back of your nephew’s pink flowered stroller, just use this one, or Google another image using those key search words.

By now, you should be some regular, old cowboys and cowgirls with the Lasso Tool, so I’m gonna skip that step.  Actually I’m gonna skip about 50 other steps while I’m at it, because I’m starting to get carpal tunnel from typing up all these Photoshop tutorials.  Mainly I just want to teach you a little about layers for this lesson.  One must learn to crawl before they can go around whacking people in the knee caps with godforsaken lightsabers.

And I just realized, I probably shoulda taught you how to use layers in the first lesson since it’s the most important step to becoming a Photoshop Jedi master like myself, but that’s one of the downsides to teaching these lessons drunk.

Forget it.  The past is the past, so there’s no sense dwelling on what could’ve been.   Here’s the lassoed, isolated layer of myself that I’ll be working with.

Goodbye Nephew, Hello Lightsaber

Step 3:  Replacing The Sponge Mop With A Lightsaber

In the previous lesson, you learned how to make a Mary Poppins flying umbrella witch poster, and you became familiar with the Clone Stamp Tool.  It’s a pretty handy dandy tool.  In the photo below, take notice that I used the Clone Stamp Tool to sample and cover up the sponge mop on my sweatshirt.  I also used the Clone Stamp Tool to get rid of the harsh shadows caused by the mop head.

What’s that?  I sense some doubt.  I find your lack of faith to be disturbing.  Here’s a side by side comparison so you get an idea of just how lethal of a weapon the Clone Stamp Tool can really be.

Clone Stamp Tool Rules

Now that I got rid of the sponge mop and harsh shadows, I’ll teach you how to add in the lightsaber.  Let out a hearty yee-haw cowboys and cowgirls and wake up the neighbors.  Select the Lasso Tool from the upper, left hand corner, take a few more Aspirins, and give those hands a lassoing they’ll never forget.  Once you’ve made the selection, make a new layer of just the hands.  In between the layer of me swinging around a sponge mop and the hands layer, I will be adding a layer of the lightsaber.  It’s a little confusing.  Here’s another visual so you know what the hell I’m talking about.

The Force Is Strong With This One

You can see that I’ve named the layers in the order they should go in.  In between the layer of me swinging around the sponge mop and the hands layer is the layer of the lightsaber.  Assuming you know how to count to ten, you should also notice a fifth layer at the top titled “Handle.”

I made a separate layer of the portion of the handle located in the gap between my hands, and placed it as the top layer so it looks like my hands are clasping the lightsaber.  I don’t know if I’m making any sense.  Probably not, but I’m moving on anyways, cause I’m starting to feel a little lightheaded and my extremities are going numb.

Step 4:  Talking Squirrels; Time To Wrap It Up

No time for chit chat.  There’s a squirrel outside my bedroom window that keeps looking at me, and I swear he just said, “Hello there, Photoshop Knight.  Whad’ya say it’s time you wrapped this sonofabitch up.”   So I’m not gonna argue with him.  I don’t know if you’ve ever seen a close up of squirrel’s ugly rat teeth after downing twelve Aspirins, but they’re pretty freaking sharp.

Man, oh day.  I gotta go lay down for a minute or two, cause it feels like my liver’s been turned inside out and I’m starting to black out.  I really need to get a job so I can stop doing these Photoshop tutorials.  No joke, I just heard today that Speilberg is considering doing a film here in Pittsburgh.  As long as it’s not George Lucas making another 4 hour film about Jar Jar Binks, that’s cool with me.

Here’s your Star Wars poster with the shin bashing, lightsaber culprits.  I replaced the original background with a space background.  I added a photo of my bratty nephews squirting me with water guns at the family picnic, as well as a photo of my niece holding a pink light saber, and a photo of the stroller bound nephew trapped in some spaceship thing at the Chuck E. Cheeses.  For good measure, I also added a photo of a hungry bear that I took at the zoo last summer, cause I didn’t feel like staring at Chewbacca’s hairy fanged, sasquatch face all day.

It says the Aspirin expired in 1998.  I feel like I’ve been put on the Death Star and blown up to smithereens.  I used to really like Star Wars, and now it’s all ruined for me.  Well, here’s your poster before I go pass out cold.

Star Wars Final Poster

Congratulations on making a Star Wars poster of your gremlin kids.  That concludes today’s Photoshop tutorial.  Join me next lesson as I teach you how to Photoshop your nieces and nephews on top the roof while I go use the Force to snatch up a 12-pack of Coronas from the neighbors, and eat all their shish kabobs in peace and quiet.

Ten Famous Autocorrected Quotes – Volume Two

Suppose a young man with a wild imagination and too much time on his hands went to a greasy spoon diner one evening at 3 AM.   Suppose the same young man grew tired of all the belligerent drunks and lot lizards that usually frequent a greasy spoon diner late at night, so he began to surf the interwebs on his smart phone to occupy his time until his gyro omelette and rye toast were ready to be served.

Suppose that while killing time surfing the interwebs, the young man came across some famous quotes and later stumbled upon the humorous website, Damn You Autocorrect.  Now suppose the imaginative young man with too much time on his hands got to thinking:

“What if all the famous authors, poets, artists, philosophers, and great leaders of history had to use a smart phone to type their inspiring quotes?  Would their quotes sound any less smart?  Would they be any less inspiring?  What would the quotes read like if these great historical figures had to put down their pen and paper, and use the same means of communication that we use today – texting, tweeting, emailing, and other forms of social media?  What if the famous quotes were subject to autocorrect?”

Suppose the young man’s thoughts were to materialize.  I suppose you would get something like this.  Ten famous quotes given the autocorrect treatment, volume two.

Dali Lama

Audrey Hepburn

Napoleon Bonnaparte

Ernest Hemmingway

Muhummod Ali Greatest

Emily Dickonson

Kurt Vonnegut

W. Clement Stone

Charles Darwin

Naopleon Bunaparte

A Letter To My Mother – Happy Mother’s Day

May 4, 2013
Saturday, 9:22 PM

I’m a week early, but it’s better to be a week early than a week late…

Dear Mother,

It was a cold day on December 10, 1977 in Somerset, Pennsylvania.  The maximum temperature was 13 degrees fahrenheit, with a low temperature of 2 degrees.  I looked it up online.  They keep record of these sorts of things if you can believe it.  Anyone can look it up if they’re curious, and well, you know that your son has a curious mind for things that most people don’t care to know about, so I looked it up.

I was born on a Saturday morning at 9:45 AM, just a few weeks before Christmas, which is why you and Dad settled on the name Christopher.  I don’t know where the Paul came from.  I never thought to ask before, but I think it was because you and Dad liked the biblical character, Paul.  I looked up the meaning of the name, and the name Paul means “small” or “humble.”

I came into this world weighing 7 pounds and 10 ounces, and measured 20 1/2 inches in length.  Having your ass smacked by the nurse and being covered in all that goop is a pretty humble beginning for any child, so I guess the name was suitable for your early Christmas present.  Christopher Paul was born.

Birth Certificate

Pictured are your newborn son’s foot prints in black ink, and right below them are your thumbprints marked with the same black ink.  When the nurse took my feet to the ink pad –  most likely kicking and screaming, and hopefully taking a whizz all over her – there was no telling where those tiny feet would end up some 35 years later.

Would your son become a teacher?   Would he become a missionary?   Would he get into trouble and spend half his life rotting away in jail?

Would your son get married?   Would he have kids someday?  Would he be content to remain single just like the character Paul did in the Bible?

Would your son be healthy?  Would there be complications from birth?  Or heavens forbid, would your son pass away and leave this Earth far too early?

These are the questions that a mother never knows when she decides to have a child, but she swipes her thumbs along the ink pad and presses them firmly to the paper with a lot of uncertainties and no guarantees for her son’s future, other than the guarantee that she will try to love him as best she can.  But even that is something that you can’t predict no matter a mother’s best intentions from the beginning.  So you were left with a lot of questions and worries about your newborn son on that cold, winter day in December.

5 Year Old Hands

Pictured is a photocopy of your son’s hands when I was five.  They’re chubby, little hands smushed against the glass.

There were some answers to be had by the time I was five.  You knew that I was kind and had a tender heart.  I made you many colorful drawings of flowers and birds with the words scribbled in crayon “I love you.”  You knew that I embodied a creative soul and enjoyed making art with crayons, pencils, pens, markers, finger paint and anything that my little, chubby, five year old hands could get a hold of.

You knew that I had an inquisitive mind and enjoyed reading books and looking things up in the Encyclopedia, but I also enjoyed making up my own stories a lot of the times.  You knew that I was a people person, but you also knew that I had a very independent spirit.  Many times I left to go explore the great wide open, wearing nothing but underwear and a pair of Moon Boots as I went trouncing off into the backwoods by myself for the day.

You knew that I was a bundle full of energy, hated taking naps, didn’t mind eating vegetables, and was a real pain in the ass sometimes, to the point that I almost drove you literally insane, with much help from my other siblings, of course.

You had a sense of who I was, but still, there were a lot of questions left unanswered about your son’s future, and the worrying from a mother continued.

35 Year Old Hands

Pictured is a scan of your son’s hands taken just a few days ago at the age of 35.  Those little, chubby hands grew and grew and grew, and they became too big to fit on the glass anymore, so that’s why parts of them are cut off.

A lot of questions about your son have been answered over the years.   Your son got a job working in the film industry through a lot of hard work and a little luck.  I’ve never been married and have no kids.  I’ve been blessed with good health so far.  I prefer a simple life, have no television, coffee maker, toaster oven, and live in a small apartment in Pittsburgh.  I enjoy cutting up, entertaining others, but I can also hold a serious conversation with the best of them.  Your son is happy with his life for the most part.  But still, there are a lot of questions left unanswered for a mother.

When I was born, you knew that there would always be questions and worrying, but you made your thumbprints on the paper anyhow, claiming me as your son.   You were committed from that day forward despite the many uncertainties that life throws at a person, for better or for worse.

I don’t know where my hands and feet will take me the remaining years on this planet.  Somedays I dream big, and somedays I’m content to do absolutely nothing at all.  Somedays I think it would be nice to be married, and somedays I prefer to be left alone.  Somedays I think about moving to a new town, and somedays I want to live in Pittsburgh forever.  These hands and feet seem to have a mind of their own, so there’s no telling where they’ll end up one day.  I wish that I had the answers to ease your worrying mind, but that’s the part of life that I seem to thrive on best.  The unknown.

Really the only answer to any questions that I’ve ever needed was for someone to love me unconditionally and to support me when this curious mind gets him into trouble.  You’ve fielded many angry phone calls from principals, teachers, neighbors, parents, church ladies, police officers, park rangers, and from the college Dean.  I’ve gotten many scoldings and spankings as a child, but afterwards, you took the time to sit me down to explain how things in life are supposed to work, despite my resistance to want to know.

You knew my heart better than those fussy people who liked to point fingers and yell that your son was a problem child, when I was only being a curious boy.  You were patient and committed to your son, despite the many headaches having a curious boy can cause for a mother.

I wanted to leave you with something that my chubby hands created when I was six.  It’s a drawing of a flower that I colored with crayons on white construction paper.  It’s ripped and torn to pieces, but you taped it up, or somebody taped it up, and you saved it after all these years.  It must have been special for you, because when you gave me a box of keepsakes that you kept of mine over the years, including this one, you started crying.

I’m not a mother, so I can only guess as to what the crying fit was all about.  I just figured it’s because it must be difficult for a mother to come to the realization that her son is no longer made up of tiny feet and little smushed up hands on the photocopier glass.  A mother sits around at night when the house is empty, and wishes that she could still hold her son tight in her arms and kiss those tiny feet goodnight.  But time marches on, so maybe that’s what spurred on the tears that day – seeing your son all grown up in the kitchen that day.  I don’t know.  I didn’t think to ask you that either, because it made me uncomfortable to see you crying, and my feet just wanted to get going.

Mothers Day Card 1Mothers Day Card 2

Your small and humble son would just like to say thanks for always being there for me and loving me like only a mother can love her child.  I know that I’m handful.  I know that I’ve left you with more questions than probably most sons, but I guess my answer to all your questions would be this.  Even though I’ve grown to be a young man and those tiny feet are now a size 11, my heart is still the same as your tender five year old who enjoyed making you drawings of flowers and birds.  It doesn’t matter where my hands and feet take me, as long as my tender heart is leading the way.  So try not to worry.  Try to put all the questions to rest.

Next time I see you, we’ll drink some Franzia boxed wine, and have a good laugh remembering all the old stories of how I almost drove you to the loony bin.  You deserve a medal, but a crumpled up flower will have to do.

Happy Mother’s Day.  I’m sorry that I forgot to wish you that last year.  I know that it hurt your feelings.  It was just a bad year for all of us in the family, so that’s why this year I wanted to make it up to you as best I can.  With a crumpled up flower from 1983.  Some lousy son I am.  HA!  Guess you’re stuck with me, hands and feet and all.

I love you,

Christopher Paul

l,500 Followers – A Thank You

Ring the bells and sound the alarms you ding dong, dingalings!  1,500 incredibly thoughtful, kind, lovely, and delightfully warped followers.  1,500.  Wow, I’m at a loss for words.  Totally just kidding.  I’m never at a loss for words, as I’m sure you’re all well aware of by now.

Well, let me say this.  You have all been so kind with your comments, likes, shares, and confessing your undying love to me.  It’s still pretty wild for me, because as I was briefly explaining to my virtual love, my Nelly, my tumbleweed, AKA The Lunatic.  Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.  Let’s back that train up.  Could it be?!  Has the Dimwit found his Juliet?

No, never mind.  Ixnay on the train backing up.  It’s more mysterious to let it be, and a story’s gotta have a little mystery to it too, you know.  Can’t all be wiener jokes and tall tales, although rest assured, this story will have plenty more of both.  If you’d like to know who the mystery gal is, then I suggest you click the link to find out.  She’s a dear soul, a terrific writer, a fantastic virtual french kisser, a so-so Macarena dancer, and I’d be remiss if I didn’t mention that my tumbleweed bakes the best damn virtual Snickerdoodle cookies that a dimwit did ever taste!

My sweet, tumbleweed.  My loving dear.  May the winds be favorable and kind to a dimwitted dingleberry, and may the winds blow(job) a tumbleweed my way someday soon.  Well, my Mom reads this blog, so on that note I better get moving on.

I did just want to take a moment to say thanks for reading and following.  I’m blown away by the response.   But of course a thank you is never enough for a madman like myself.  So how’s about a photo of the dimwit dingaling just hanging out, having a grand, old time at the Chuck E. Cheeses, kicking back in the command post as the spirally tube gets swallowed up by fiery flames, while wearing a beanie propelor hat with the nice, kind message on the front “Blow Me.”  You know.  Being that I’m so blown away.

For you, my fellow dimwits.  Thank you.  Dimwit Diary 1500 Followers

I would imagine your refrigerators must be getting pretty full by now with all these too hot to handle images.  And that my friends, was a lyrical reference to my second favorite rapper of all time – Vanilla Ice.  My favorite being Bubba Sparxxx, of course.

Figured since I’m giving shout outs to the best rappers of all time, it would be a good opportunity to give some shout outs to some other super cool bloggers that you should check out.  Tell ’em the Dimwit sent ya, and ask them where my money is if you would be so kind.

1.  Don of All Trades – Pretty much alls you need to know about this guy is he nicknamed his kids Ace, Cool, and G$.  Like many of us, Don sometimes acts like a tough guy through his writing, but in all actuality, he’s one of the nicest guys you’ll ever meet.  You’ll enjoy his stories, so be sure to go check them out.

2.  John Balaya – I try to give shout outs that cover a variety of topics.  I believe it’s important that we all strive to be well-rounded individuals.  John is this round’s inspirational recommendation.  He’s an openly gay man who’s been living with HIV for over 23 years now.  John lost his father when he was 14, his brother shortly afterwards, and he is currently taking care of his 90 year old mother.  John writes about these topics and many more with a lot of heart, so I ask that you go read them with an open mind.

3. Alexandra Pullen – I have an art background, but I’ve lost touch with the art world over the years.  It’s been nice visiting a lot of your blogs, and getting a bit of a refresher course. When I visited Alexandra’s blog, I was viewing some of her amazing works when I came across her “Houses” series.   I’ve never seen anything like it.  She makes these vast cities out of tiny paper receipts and candy wrappers.  It’s truly breathtaking.  It’s my favorite series of hers, but the rest of her works are amazing too.  Please go check them out and show her some support.

4.  Ned’s Blog – Meet Ned.  His name is Ned and he has a hilarious blog.  Ned is just one of those super, cool guys that’s impossible to hate.  So go ahead haters.  Give it a go and try to prove me wrong.  And for all you lovers out there, you’ll want to give it a go as well, because Ned is just a lovable guy who writes with a lot of humor, and occasionally he says something smart.  Emphasis on occasionally (joking Ned!!)

That concludes this round of shout outs.  If you’d like a shout out in the next round, then shoot me a message and we’ll try to make it so.  I’m all for helping out whenever I can, so no need to be bashful if you’d really like your blog to get some more exposure.  It would be my pleasure.

Well, we lost a few dimwits along the way which happens, but the rest of you are hangin’ tough.  And that my friends, was a lyrical reference to my second favorite boy band of all time – New Kids On The Block.  My favorite being the Backstreet Boys, of course.  I’ve got the next month of posts all written up, which includes more famous autocorrected quotes, Photoshop tutorials, and other funny bits.  So feel free to visit whenever you’ve got some time, because I’ll be posting regularly.

Thanks again.  It’s really cool being connected to so many of you amazing dimwits.  Should be some good times ahead.

Yours fondly,

Chris Hinton
The Captain of the Dimwits

Photoshop Lessons – How To Photoshop A Mary Poppins Flying Umbrella Witch Poster

Well, first off, let me begin with an apology.  I was not myself the last tutorial.  I was angry.  I was furious.  I wanted to smash Jon Bon Jovi’s face off the side of a curb and bury his Olivia Newton-John looking hair into the bowels of the sewers of New Jersey.  It was just a very bad day, but nothing that a lot of whiskey and a few jagerbombs can’t fix.  So, sorry for that.   Pulled it together, dusted myself off, and ready to go.  It’s time to begin our supercalifragilisticexpialidocious Mary Poppins lesson.

001 Chris Mary Poppins

So let me be the first to admit that I’ve never seen this damn movie in my entire life.  You’d have to shoot me first before I go around watching Mary Poppins.  But somebody made the request that since we did ferocious wolves in pop up tents the last time, this time could I do one more for the ladies and gay gentlemen.  So I said, “Fine.  It would be my pleasure.”

Since I’m not familiar with Mary Poppins, I did a little fishing around online.  As far as I can tell, it’s about some super nanny that flies around like a witch, wearing floppy hats, except for using brooms to fly around in, she uses an umbrella.  Sounds like a winner.  I’ll be sure to check it out sometime, right after I finish up my will and swallow a fist full of pills.

Let’s begin today’s Photoshop lesson and get it over with, shall we?  I suppose we shall.

Step 1:  Pray To Jesus

This step is self explanatory, so no need to ramble on.  In addition to praying to Jesus, I will be listening to lots of Pantera.  Ladies and gay gentlemen, feel free to substitute Pantera with Chitty Chitty Bang Bang.  Whatever floats your boat.  To each their own.

Step 2:  Selecting Flying Umbrella Witch Images To Combine

002 Mom and Mary Poppins

Above are the two primary images I’ll be combining together to make our Mary Poppins flying umbrella witch poster.  On the far right is a photo of my Mom and my youngest sister.  As you can see, my Mom is making her usual goofy face, holding an umbrella the size of Jupiter, and doing her best to embarrass me in public.  She will make a perfect Mary Poppins flying umbrella witch for the purpose of this demonstration for sure.

Step 3:  Getting Rid Of The Floppy Hat Flying Umbrella Witch

So by now, you’ve already learned to do enough lassoing of ferocious wolf heads and smoking hot blonds in previous lessons, so I’m going to skip that portion.  I will teach you some new tricks to become a Photoshop master like me, so one day all of your friends will bow down to you in mighty awe.

Go to the upper, left hand corner and select the Clone Stamp Tool.  Here is a visual of where you can find the tool.  Take a good look, cause it’s the last time you’ll be seeing super nanny flying through the air, toting around her oversized duffle bag, and looking pensively off into the distance with her rosy cheeked witch face.

003 Cloning Mary Poppins Rosy Cheeked Witch Face

So basically, I’ll try to walk you through this as best I can in as few words as possible.  I don’t feel like being here all day looking at flying umbrella witches, as I’m sure you don’t either.

Make a new layer of the Mary Poppins original photo.  Once you’ve got a new layer, select a sample of the clouds using the Clone Stamp Tool by pressing Option click.  Once you’ve got a sample to clone with, you will essentially be copying portions of the sky and clouds to cover up super nanny extraordinaire.  Here is a visual of what the process should look like.

004 Screaming Bald Headed Eagle

Son of a bitch, not again.  Sorry for the screaming bald-headed eagle Photoshoppers.  That’s my mistake, so just ignore.  We will get to you in a minute baldy, so shut your beak and give it a rest with all the screaming before I lasso that beak shut for good.  I already have enough of a pounding headache between Pantera and flying umbrella witches, and honest to God.

I have no idea why I do this crap to myself.  Making these Photoshop tutorials.  I never liked Photoshop in college to begin with, so here I am teaching Photoshop lessons on Mary Poppins and Chitty Chitty Bang Bangs.  I swear it’s like I lived another life and was sent back to teach Photoshop lessons as a punishment or something.  Well, just ignore the screaming bald-headed eagle, and let’s move on before I have another nervous breakdown and have to go see my doctor again.

005 Floppy Wearing Hat Umbrella Witch With A Cloud Face

So as you can see from the photo above, I replaced the rosy cheeked witch face with a cloud.  If you look closely, you can see that I sampled the cloud to the immediate left, and basically just cloned that cloud to cover up Poppins’ floppy hat wearing face, which if you ask me is an improvement.   No offense to any Marry Poppins fans out there.  All things aside, I’m sure she’s a terrific nanny.

So that’s what you’ll wanna do.  Keep taking samples of the sky and clouds near the area that you want to cover over, so it matches up pretty close.  Doesn’t have to be perfect, because most of it will be covered up with my Mom and her umbrella the size of Jupiter in the next step.

Step 4:  Superimposing My Mom And Her Umbrella The Size Of Jupiter

Welp, that’s it.  I hate to cut this short, but I’ve reached my limit and we’re only 5 minutes into this godforsaken thing.  There’s only so much of flying umbrella witches a person can take.  I’ve got some frisbee to go play, so here’s the deal.  Basically, I lassoed my Mom and her big ass umbrella and made a new layer.  I took that image, and imported it into the Poppins photo.

It’s gets complicated from there, so you know what.  If you want a futher lesson, then how about you dimwits give me a call.  I’ll come over, we’ll drink some whiskey, smoke a cigar, and Photoshop flying umbrella witches all night until the sun comes up.  It’ll be a great time.  And if you’re a nice lady and you want a lesson, it will be an even greater time, except for I’ll either be passed out drunk or probably just be puking in the bathroom after staring at floppy hat witches all day, so probably won’t be as great of a time on second thought.  But just call me or something, cause this is getting to be a real headache for me to keep typing it out like this.  Whatever I did in the past life musta been something major, that’s all I can figure.

I’m wrapping this nightmare Poppins witchfest up, and getting sloshed.

Here’s your Mary Poppins flying umbrella witch poster.  I added in a screaming bald-headed eagle, because I saw in a few photos that Mary Poppins likes birds.  Just for good measure, I added a wicked thunderstorm and a couple of fierce lightening bolts, cause I thought it looked pretty cool, and more like something that super nanny witches would probably be into.  I also gave my Mom a rosy cheeked witch face, so here you go.

006 Mary Poppins Flying Umbrella Witch Poster Final

Congratulations on making a Mary Poppins flying umbrella witch poster.  That concludes the tutorial for today.  Join me next lesson as I teach you how to Photoshop yourself into the previous life, and correct all the mistakes you’ve made using the Magic Eraser Tool found in the upper, left hand corner.  Can’t wait.