Freshly Pressed – SMACK!

My, my, my.  Would you lookie here.  Seems things just got mighty fresh up in this crazy madhouse.  I’ve just been Freshly Pressed for the first time.  Let’s hope it goes a little better than another first time of mine that ended up with a lot of crying and a swift slap to the face.  SMACK!  You pig!  How was I supposed to know that girls don’t like it when a person makes oinking noises just as the mood starts to turn romantic?  I was only trying to keep things loose and fun.

My, my, my.  Freshly Pressed.  Pretty stinking fresh all right.

I was told to dust off the welcome mat and be prepared for a lot of new readers.   I just started working on a new TV pilot and it’s been kicking my ass.  70 hours of work in the past 5 days.   My apologies, but I didn’t have a whole lot of time to prepare.  I’ve barely had time to eat or to sleep, but of course I did make time for a few tall glasses of whiskey last night.  I got rip roaring drunk with my former room mate, and we had a grand, old time from the parts of the evening that I can remember.  It made for a very fun 14 hours of work today.  And that is why I’m the dimmest of all the dimwits.  A real, genuine, dingaling ding dong to the max.  Better get used to it.

For you newbies, I’d advise you to read the post I just did called “Chris Hinton’s Pathway To Success.”  It’s as good a place to start as any.  If you make it through that one, well, then you’re just the sorta company we like to keep around here.   Crazy and mad and fun, and plenty of oinking noises to go around for everyone.  SMACK!  It’s a real nice crew of diverse folks, and I think you’ll all get along just fine if you choose to stick around.

Welp, you dimwits.  I’m tired and I have a long day ahead of me tomorrow.  I was just gonna leave it at thank you, but as is the case with me, a simple thank you is never quite enough to show my appreciation.

Freshly Pressed is recycling an old post, so thought I’d go ahead and do some recycling of my own.  So how’s about an old photo of me wearing a sleeveless fur sweater that I bought from the women’s section of the thrift store, showing off the chest hairs a little bit for a sexy, fresh photo shoot I did for a Brut by Fabergé men’s cologne ad.  It’s autographed for you and everything, so feel free to pin it to your fridge or hang it in your cubicle at work.  For you my fellow dimwits.  A big thank you.

real men wear brut

I’ll be replying to comments, mixing it up a bit with you rowdy, kind folks whenever I get some time.  It might be a while.  But for now, I have to polish off a tall glass of Franzia boxed wine to cap off a very successful day.  Let’s hope I don’t spill it all over my bed like the last time.  Wine is impossible to get out of your sheets, and it looks like a crime scene took place in my bed.  This is probably a bad time to mention to the new readers that I’m single.  Screw it.  I’m going with it and letting ‘er rip.  Gotta run.  Welcome.

94 thoughts on “Freshly Pressed – SMACK!

  1. Dearest, that is a magnificent sweater. I am not sure that any other male could pull that off, but you can Dimwit, because you are also magnificent. PS: Have a glass for me too!

    • Thanks my love! It’s a hard look to pull off. Can really go a number of ways. Glad you liked it! I haven’t drank in a while but I’ll have a glass for you and me and then you again and me again the next time I do! XOXOXO

      • I have no idea where you find the time to answer all these… amazing. Anyway, As far as I’m concerned the Old Spice Guy has nothing on you. Cheers back at ya. I have some movie folks here I think I’m going to send your way. I know you wont mind.

        • Send ’em! Well, I don’t watch TV and I don’t sleep much so that’s how I find the time to respond to comments. A real madman in every sense. Plus I have off today, and I’m mulit-tasking. Out at the park, working on the tan, cranking some Led Zepplin and responding to comments on my iPad. I’m about to take off the shirt and give the other park goers a real scare. Should be a good time. Maybe you have it listed, but can you send me your email address? I wanna go over something with you when you’ve got some time. Thanks. Here’s mine:

          dimwitdiary@gmail.com

  2. Congrats. Welcome to the club. The Freshly Pressed smoking jacket they send you is really awesome. Make sure you look for that in the mail… :D

    • I think I got gypped! It’s been like a week and still no smoking jacket. Although, I see my neighbor has one and keeps ducking when I pull up to my apartment. Hm. Anyway, thanks friend. It’s a nice club to be a part of smoking jacket or not. Cheers.

      • It would only give you the urge to smoke, and that’s a horrible habit. I’m sure you’ll get something from them eventually. Just keep your neighbor away from your mailbox. :)

    • i don’t think if the truth would have saved You at that point go time even though i think she kinda have an idea of where You might likley have been And she already knew You lied Abt dad sending You on errand. Just give him the robbery line. Which was why i asked earlier if You told your folks cos they would have helped to spread the news to her.VA:F [1.9.22_1171](from 0 votes)

  3. Congrats Chris! You da man! Da whiz! I’m so glad we are soul brothers and all. Because I want to know famous people. And go to places like, idk, the Cannes Film Festival. But listen, I’m way older than you, so when you get rich beyond belief, PLEASE remember me. And give me a hot dog or something.

    • A hot dog? We can do better than that soul brotha! I’m gonna buy you some blue suede shoes and a ruffled blue powder tux. We’ll roll up to Cannes and knock ’em dead. It would be a blast. Thanks for the congrats!

        • A good yikes! That’s good. Glad to hear you’re well. As far as the success, it hasn’t translated to $$ yet, so still eating those peanut butter & jelly sandwiches until I get paid. Thank goodness I happen to love peanut butter & jelly sandwiches! Have a great weekend beautiful friend.

  4. congratulations! you’ve earned it. as for the sweater… well im usually pretty reserved on here and try and keep my comments fairly “professional” but i must say you’re looking pretty good there… one sexy dimwit ;) im pretty certain the fur is what does it – it really brings out the blue in your eyes.

    • Wowza! Way to make the Dimwit blush. Believe it or not, I’m pretty reserved when it comes to the ladies. I talk a big game but it’s all talk. Maybe I’ll put on the fur vest and hit the club some night. Wouldn’t that be something! Thanks for the congrats.

    • Ha, thanks. The ferocious wolf in a pop up tent is probably my favorite. Maybe they didn’t get to that one yet. But it’s nice to have the recognition anyhow. Thanks for the congrats!

  5. Down with Neil Sedaka and big pin-ups with this pin-up. One comment, from my sister, older sis, just in from bowling, acting all randy, slurring a bit and all – she says to tell you that: “You know what rhymes with ‘Brut’”, and she also added “I’m your huckleberry” before…well…she’s out. I don’t think she was pronouncing “Brut” correctly. She’s a dimwit…er…uh..I’ll check back later.

    • Crowded is good! We can start a mosh pit and do some crowd surfing. Do people still do that? I don’t know. But you’re right. Hard work leads to more hard work, but when I get the 590 foot yacht, that’s when I can stop for a little and look back on some things. And then invite all of the dimwits to come join me for a party on the 590 foot yacht, make an awesome music video, and do some crowd surfing. I better get back to work….

  6. You’ve inspired me to craft a similar vest. Unfortunately, I don’t have the same chest hair to show off. I’ll keep you posted on my progress with the vest and congrats.

  7. Congrats man… well deserved!

    P.S. The secret to wine drinking in bed and avoiding the crime scene look is to switch to white wine… you get sort of yellowish stains, that look like you had a good time…

    Again, congrats on the recognition.

    • So that’s the secret! John, you may be a dimwit but you’re brilliant. White wine. I see Franzia makes a nice white wine, so maybe I’ll make the switch and go wild tonight spilling wine all over the new sheets. Or I could just get a girlfriend? That’ll be the day.

    • Thanks Don! Never thought there’d be a day I’d be freshly pressed, but I’ll take it. All the fame and money and women. It’s crazy. I’ll buy you a case of Bud Light Lime and come over in my private jet for a toast. :)

      • I think that M doing this is going to be a great thing. ALOT of people are going to go truhogh alot during high school, especially Freashman year. I know I did. I think that M doing these articles will be very inspiring and will help with the struggles of how to get truhogh everyday life as a teen(:I can’t wait to read them!

    • Thanks for the congrats! A baby bottle you say…well that should be a sight to behold. The Dimwit going mad, up late, drinking Franzia boxed wine out of a baby bottle! I like the sounds of that. I’ll have to go to the store to buy some baby bottles and wine. Thanks for the tip!

  8. Oh Captain my Furry Captain :D Massive congrats on hitting the Big Time. Hope the fame doesn’t go to your head….oh wait…that was the Franzia!!! :D

    • Thanks darling! And you’re right. No room for fame to go to my head with all that Franzia. Just picked up a new box, deactivated my Facebook account, and gonna have a rowdy night tonight. Maybe I’ll put on the sweater vest and see if I can’t get arrested. Every famous person needs a nice mugshot. Yee-haw!

      • You are so right…those people don’t know you, they have no right to judge you. So just igonre them! I love your blog, and even though I don’t know you either you seem like a really lovely person and you are definately a brilliant creative stylish dresser! For every person who makes a mean comment there are 100s of us out there who love your blog and are so happy that you share it with us. Thank you!

  9. Ninety eight. Ninety eight hairs. Yes, my fellow dimwit fans, I paused to count. Try it for yourselves. It makes you wonder how many more he has under there, but we’ll never know, will we? The tease. Oh, wait. You mean he was selling something? What was it? I didn’t notice. It looks like they have to freshly press him now to get more exposure, pardon the pun. Well, congratulations are in order then. I’m sure he won’t have any problems attracting more readers with his amazing…personality. Yeah, that’s it. :-) [Psss…all seriousness aside, congrats! :D]

    • Ha! Thanks for the congrats. I just shaved my chest hairs but kept the beard. It’s my summer look. The beard will be next and soon the mop of hair. Guess that’ll throw the count off, but gotta mix things up you know. Keep ’em guessing and change up the identity to throw off the police.

  10. Holy crap you Brut fox!! Now that you’ve been Freshly Pressed you won’t be able to keep the bitches at bay!! I can only imagine how many more dimwits you’re going to find. Congrats!

  11. 3 cheers, o hell, make it 4!!!! we’re all celebrating you being not only freshly but deservedly pressed,pedestaled and lightly toasted..dimwittingly

    • Thanks Happy Citizen 2!!! I’ll be celebrating tonight with a box of Franzia but it feels like one of those nights for some heavy toasting. But I’ve got a plan. I’m wearing the sweater vest so that way if I get arrested, I’ll at least have a good mugshot to commemorate the evening. Cheers!

    • Thanks for the congrats! I don’t know if you’d categorize this under hotness, but it’s gotta have a place somewhere in the dictionary. Maybe under batshit crazy. But I’ll take hotness. Too kind.

  12. I don’t know if truth is better than kindness, but hitting you in the face with truth is sometimes pretty hard, so I will stick to kindness:your photo was funny. I will certainly not wear that colongne. I guess you must have been working for the rival companies, on this. And thank you for the funniest 4.5 minutes today.

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