Chris Hinton’s Pathway To Success

Ahhhhh, I’m so pumped right now!  I just got a call an hour ago for work.  This is incredibly exciting news.  I can’t even begin to tell you why, but I’m going to try anyhow.

I don’t know many of the details about the project just yet.  I just know it’s a TV pilot of some sort and I have to read the script and begin preparing for work tonight.  I’ll be working on the project the next three days and possibly the next few weeks and beyond.  That’s how it goes in the film industry.  One minute you’re busy writing and creating a blog, avoiding friends and social obligations to focus all your energies into doing something that you really love, and the next minute you get a call at 6:30 PM on a Friday evening.

“What are you doing this weekend?  How about the next few months?  You busy, or you wanna start scouting tomorrow on a TV pilot?”

Hell yeah, I wanna start scouting tomorrow on a TV pilot!  If you dimwits only knew how challenging the past few months have been for me.  I’ve been out of work for a long time.  Without boring you with all the details, the state of Pennsylvania had a major snafu with our film tax incentive this year, which meant that me and a lot of my friends were without work.  No work means funds dwindle quickly, bills go unpaid, and you eat lots of peanut butter and jelly sandwiches for breakfast, lunch and dinner.  And worse yet, it leaves you with no money to drink booze.  Being broke sucks a fat one.

Boo hoo, you putz.  Get another job.  But it’s not that easy, and I didn’t want to get another job making $7 an hour.  It’s a waste of time.  I realize some people have to do it to support their families, which kudos to them, but I don’t have a family to support, so I’d rather have my bills go unpaid than work at a crummy job taking home $200 a week.  Instead of working at a job for slave wages, I used the opportunity to do some writing and maybe begin establishing my future.

The film industry is a great gig, but it’s too unpredictable.  One year you make great money, and the next year you make jack crap.  I’m terrible at budgeting money, so this year I ate peanut butter and jelly sandwiches, holed myself up in my apartment, and wrote my ass off the past few months trying to establish a future for the next time I’m out of work.

I don’t know where any of it’s headed.  Maybe there isn’t a future in writing for me, but I have to find out.  So that’s why I started this blog.  To practice writing, to put my creative talents to work, and to build up a network of fellow writers, artists, and creative spirits.

It seems to be going well so far.  I’ve gotten nearly 2,000 followers in two months, and the  feedback has been very kind.  It gives me encouragement to keep writing, so I just wanted to say thanks.  The peanut butter and jelly sandwiches taste extra good after hearing things like, “This is my new favorite blog.”  “You’re really hilarious!”  “OMG, I want to totally marry you and have six of your curly headed babies.”

Well, all right.  This has been a very good day.  It’s maybe premature, but I’m going to use my credit card to go buy some whiskey tonight, and read through a script until 3 in the morning, make some notes, wake up 3 hours later, and go to work.  I might not be available to reply to comments as much in the next few weeks, but I’ll try my best, because your comments are what kept me going these past few months.  It might sound like BS, but it’s true.  So keep commenting if you’d like, but don’t take offense if I don’t respond for a while.  It just means I’m busy with work, or drunk on whiskey, dancing around my apartment naked at 2 AM, which happens more than I’d like to admit.

Anyway, since you guys have been so cool to me, I wanted to leave you with my keys for a pathway to success.  I realize someone who just spent the past few months eating peanut butter and jelly sandwiches probably isn’t the best spokesperson for success, but I can feel it just around the bend.  I think I’m a few years away from accomplishing some big things, so I’m going to let you in on my secrets so you can achieve success as well.

It’s time to go buy some whiskey and read a script.  I’ll leave you with Chris Hinton’s Pathway To Success.  Print it out, hang it on your fridge.  Look at it everyday.  Cheers, you dimwits.  Thanks for being awesome.  Chris Hintons Pathway To Success

105 thoughts on “Chris Hinton’s Pathway To Success

  1. Good job, Dimmy. I’m so pleased to hear this since it’s made you happy. Nobody likes an unemployed Jewish kid, it’s unnatural. Wait, are you even Jewish? Either way, kudos! I’m happy for you! Use your considerable talents well!

    • Thanks Don! I just look Jewish, but don’t be fooled. If I were Jewish, I wouldn’t be poor. Jews have this crazy, smart system set up where they receive an inheritance at an early age. They really have it right. They’re very community orriented (sp??) which I wish all of us were. Anywho, thanks dude!

      • Did you know that I’m an honorary Jew?! It’s true. I get to celebrate practically EVERY HOLIDAY, aaaannnndddd eat as much bacon as I want. FUN FACT: did you know Jews can’t have cheese and chicken at the same time? Grilled cheese for lunch? YESSIREEBOB!!! Fried chicken for dinner?! OKAY!!!!!! Buffalo Chicken Pizza? NO MA’AM!!!!! I found this out when I met a blog friend for the first time and she came to my house to stay the night. This is the same friend that bestowed my honorary Jewdom to me. OH! I also learn Yiddish words every once in awhile and use them haphazardly. I’m also REALLY into Jewish Guilt. Oy.

        • Hi there fellow honorary Jew. I too am an honorary Jew. I did a film a few years back and we filmed in a predominately Jewish neighborhood. I was the main rep preparing the neighborhood for filming, so I got to know the folks very well. I was invited to a Shabbos meal the one night, and asked to wear a yamaka and sing songs in Hebrew. It was awesome. Jews are the best.

    • About the new site: too bad it doesn’t have an rss option, ecxpet only for separate cities – I can only have rss for paris or for rejkjavik, meaning for a city one at a time, so I would have to subscribe to all the cities in order to get rss. Why isn’t there an easy option to subscribe to all the existing cities, and to all the new cities that were not covered yet? I hope this little problem will be solved. Thanks.

    • Thanks Beth! I hope I prosper. Cripes I’ll be the most foolish rich person ever. I didn’t say it in my post, but I’m poor because I give most of my money away. Fuck it. I don’t need money and I’d be happy to live on peanut butter & jelly for the rest of my life if others got to be happy. Well, we’ll see what happens.

  2. Ha! Your pathway to success is amazing. I might just print it out for my bedside table to remind myself that I’m on track – whether I’m waking up to work hard at what I love or stumbling into bed after a night of drinking heavily to celebrate my success!

  3. Fantastic news dearest!! Just don’t forget to feed the unicorns in the midst of all that success (well, you know, employment). On big congratulatory cyber hug for you! Go get ’em.

  4. You’ve never failed to make me smile and chuckle from your blogs. :D and wanna try whiskey just to know what the taste is since I’ve never tasted it before, Ha Ha. (‘ ‘)( ‘ ‘ )( ‘ ‘)

    Congrats and good luck to your new challenge (with paid). \(^o^ \)\( ^ o ^ )/(/ ^o^)/ Hooray!

    • Thanks dear! I started drinking whiskey when I was 13. Sorta because that’s what kids do when they grow up in shitty, small towns in the country with nothing else to do. I don’t recommend whiskey as a drink of choice. It’s more for those that have lived some kind of hard life, which I have, but I drink to celebrate nowadays. Not to be down. Only take up whiskey if you’ve had a hard life and need to forget a few things along the way. Otherwise, stick to vodka, beer, or wine. Cheers!

  5. congratulations! best wishes to you. i definitely look forward to reading what you have to say but they say absence makes the heart grow fonder so go forth and happy writing (that pays!). p.s. there’s nothing wrong with a lil naked dancing while intoxicated – just ask matthew mcconaughey (still my favorite pot-smoking naked dancer haha). :)

    • Ha! I forgot about McConaughey. Life is short. Dance naked. Who the hell cares??? I have this secret spot in the middle of the woods by this pond that I go to on weekends in the summer. I bring along a camping chair, music, and boxed wine. I sit there for the day, get drunk, and strip down naked and dance with the butterflies. No cares in the world, just me and myself and the bullfrogs. I kid you not. It’s the most liberating thing and it makes me feel alive. I recommend it to everyone to have a secret spot on the weekends. I shoulda put that as one of my keys to success, but now you know.

  6. Congrats, man! Best of luck with the project, and thanks for all the advice. I’m printing it out, and taping it to my computer so I’ll be inspired every time I sit at my computer.

    Enjoy the whiskey…. and, since I don’t drink any more, feel free to have a couple for me.

    • John, I had more than a couple for you already. I was too scared to go with the whiskey on second thought since I haven’t drank in a while. I was worried I wouldn’t wake up the next morning for my first day back at work in a while. I went with the boxed wine, but I’m feeling good. Cheers my friend.

  7. Can I tag along? I promise I won’t make any noise … I’ll just be like your assistant or something, wiping your forehead with a rag when your brow starts to sweat & stuff. Congrats, Dimmy, I’m happy for you!

    • Thanks Tumbleweed! Yeah, of course you can be my assistant. You should see me out in the field, knocking on random people’s doors to ask if we can use their house for a location. It’s crazy. I’ve had guns pulled on me multiple times, my life threatened, and all that good stuff. So an assistant would be nice. Pretty girls knocking on random people’s doors goes a lot further than a crazy assed dimwit knocking on a person’s door. It would be a lot of fun to have you along.

  8. Your fortune turns on the same day I’m told my dreams of working the library day shift is a pipe dream bc of budget cuts…I guess it’s showing the lithium addled masses how to use the internet at midnight for another year. Your blog is the first page I’ll lead them (and all of their personalities) too…everyone deserves a little joy. Woohoo! Now graduate to almond butter, marmalade and artisan bread to celebrate.

    • Ha! Thanks for the recommendations, but I’ll stick to the whiskey and booze. It’s the only thing keeping me sane in this otherwise insane world that we live in. I feel sorry for the sober ones. It must be horrifying to go through life completely sober. Sorry to hear about the budget cuts. You sound like you could use a drink. I’ll buy the first round once I get paid. Cheers!

  9. Yay! Work! Work = More Money! More Money = More Fun! Live it up because one day you and Tumbleweed will be tied down and writing about potty training like Don and I! ;)

    Just Kidding, of course, but glad to hear you’re in an upswing! :)

    • Ha! Thanks. I have this master plan of getting married when I’m like 60 so I can avoid all that potty training business. I’ve seen the way kids can blow out a diaper and that was enough for me. I don’t know how you moms and dads do it. Insane in the membrane! But very noble.

    • Hi, I just got a new food processor and am tiryng to make the coconut butter and I know ive read sites that say you have to leave it running for about 15minutes before it will turn into butter. some sites say you will see steam or heat rising from the blade after its been running and mine does this as well. im just concerned, does that happen with all food processors? is it safe to just let it run? i cant run it anymore than a minute without the steam coming up. its not smoking, its just hot. it is brand new. i tried checking the manual for maximum times you can let it run but it doesnt say. what do you think?

    • Scouting is finding locations for filming. It’s quite interesting, cause you have to go knock on random people’s doors and be like, “Hi there stranger. Smells good. What’s for dinner? No, I’m just kidding. Want to have your house used for a movie?” And if they don’t call the cops on you and say yes, then I take photos of their house and show them to the director. Imagine me, the dimwit, driving up your driveway and showing up on your doorstep one afternoon. It’s kinda crazy, but really cool cause I get to see a lot of locations that most people don’t get access to, like private mansions, museums, bell towers of churches, the boiler room of the Penguins hockey arena. It’s like a free pass to go take photos of anything I want. And if we use the location, then we pay them a fee. That’s scouting in a nutshell.

  10. Don’t you worry C-dawg. I can write your replies for you!!! ohhh snap!!

    Congrats on the job! I know you have been waiting for that call for a long time. You deserve it!

    • Thanks Suzie Sassy Pants! Yeah, it’s been slim pickins for work, but sounds like things are about to explode in the next month or two. So I’ll need you to write replies for sure. I’d recommend you do them drunk on a moonshine or something, so it seems more authentic. Thanks, you’re the best!

  11. Cheers!!!
    Thanks for the tips leading to my own success! I hope I will achieve it as you will…
    Tonight I’m going to celebrate your success with a beer or two, three, four…. ;)

  12. See…long nights, forced dry spells, and kindergarten lunches do pay off!! Super freakin’ happy and excited for you. This has been a long time coming and one that I’m sure your sanity needed. Thanks for opening up your heart to your fellow bloggers out here. I’ll miss the frequent posts, but drop us a line every now and then so that we can live vicariously through your scouting adventures.


    • Thanks darling! Very cool of you to celebrate with me in my graduation from kindergarten lunches to the fine tastes of Taco Bell. One day soon, I’ll be feasting at the 5 star tables of TGI Fridays. Well, I did anticipate going back to work, so I’ve got enough writing done that I should still be able to post regularly much to either your dismay or delight. Take your pick. But I’ll be out of commission for long, rambling replies such as this one, where I go on about things like Taco Bell and TGI Fridays. And that’s unfortunate. Toodles right back at ya!

  13. YAY!!!! I was getting afraid I’d have to support you in my old age! PS While you’re “scouting” — I’m putting in another plug. My house, the field, my car, “me” — we’re all available upon request!

    So glad to hear about “the call” — I know you’re going to do a totally amazing job!

    • Well, we are scouting places out in the boonies for this one. If you only lived a little closer to Pittsburgh (Oh Lord, please no.) Sounds like work is about to explode here. There’s 9 projects on tap, just waiting on funding and the incentive to go through (June 30th). In the meantime, this will give me enough money that I can afford to eat pasta and even have money to buy the sauce with the meatballs in it. It’s gonna taste wonderful, and in a few years, we’ll be back in Italy eating the real stuff. Barring you don’t kick the bucket before then, of course. XO

      • Well, I’m still holding out hope that one day they’ll send you to scout out an old Italian mama who is smokin’ hot. I’m always on call!

        In the meantime, sounds like doors are opening up for you and that is fantastical! Eat those meatballs with the sauce until we can go enjoy the real deal — pasta and gravy — in Italia!

        PS I’m not planning on kicking the bucket for a darn long time yet, but who knows? Sometimes life pulls a surpize or two. If I kick it, I’m sure there will be lots of takers standing in line. Gelato must be part of the package deal!

    • A kid, you got that right. A 15 year old mind trapped inside the body of a 35 year old, with the ageless skin of a 25 year old, the thinning hair of a 45 year old, the aching back of a 65 year old, and the nonexistent bank funds of a 5 year old. Man, it’s been a long day and that probably makes no sense whatsoever. Anyway, I’ll do my best. Thanks!

  14. Congratulations curly hair( I say that with disdain cause my hair is dwindling), even if you don´t post recent things there still a lot here I can laugh at and learn. Stay frosty.
    P.S You just gave me an excuse to get loaded today, if someone asks why I´m drinking so heavily, easy answer “Dimwit just got a fucking job, and he´s going out for a nice stake, stop interrupting my drunknness.”

    • YES! That’s the best reply ever. I was thinking of going to bed. It’s been a long day, but I don’t know. Your comment sparked some life into me, so I think I’ll pour a glass of wine, and see if that glass of wine doesn’t turn into a few glasses of wine, and see if I don’t end up dancing naked again at 2 AM. It feels like the kind of night for dancing. Why the hell not. Cheers, my heavily drinking friend.

  15. What great news! I am going to drink a cheers with you. I just have to wait until my sister and my Mom are out of the kitchen area and I can sneak the tequila and triple sec into the spare bedroom. whoo hooo; I’ll just call them on the cell phone and say I’m trapped in the chicken yard…works every time. Cngrats on the work. Hope it becomes a successful pilot and gets picked up for 12 years by which time you’ll have tons of plays and screenplays all ready to roll out plus, like, a pod cast and there’s always the PhotoShop lessons…yes. This is the beginning of something BIG.

    • I hope you did end up sneaking that tequila and triple sec. I never had one of those triple sec things before. Next time I go buying booze, maybe I’ll add it to the list and have a drink in your honor. And when I do the podcast, I’ll have a few more, because I don’t really like talking much unless it’s over dinner or sitting around a fire drinking some beer, but you know, with all that success in a few years, I’ll probably have to do interviews too. So I’ll get blitzed and when the interviewee says, “Are you drunk?” I’ll say, “Yeah. Just downed a few triple secs right before I came on in honor of my friend Laura Lynn.” It will be the best interview ever. That’s mostly why I want to become successful – not for the money or fame – because there’s too many boring interviews asking the same stupid questions. So I just want get this thing off the ground and do drunk interviews and have the time of my life. Guess I better stop dreaming and start doing. Cheers Laura Lynn.

  16. Congratulations on the new job, sounds pretty sweet. I just checked out your blog, funny stuff if I say so myself. Oh, and I like peanut butter & jelly sandwiches- the rest of the food groups are overestimated anyway. I’ll send good vibes to you my friend, as a fellow ‘peanut butter & jelly status’ writer. xoxo

    • Well, if you say so, then it must be true. I say I’m funny myself, and when I go to coffee shops to write, I end up busting up in fits of laughter all the time. I have my earbuds in listening to music, and I forget that every one in the damn place can hear me cackling like a hyena. I must look crazy, and if they knew I was laughing at my own stuff, then they surely would think I’m crazy. But I don’t care. So I keep writing and listening to music and laughing my head off at coffee shops.

      Thanks for the good vibes. Reminded me of the Beach Boys for some reason, so next time I go writing in a coffee shop and laughing my head off, I’ll listen to the Beach Boys and think about you and those good vibes. Thanks!

  17. Ugh, I’m where you were. Though the advantage of living with my parents is that I have a more diverse menu than peanut butter and jelly sandwiches. That is all. Oh, and the internet is funded and the laundry magically does itself (thanks mum).

    Cheers to end of your employment drought.
    Quite literally, because I’m sure you’ve got a glass of whiskey in your hand this very moment.

    • Wrong! A glass of Franzia boxed wine! I was too worried I’d drink too much whiskey and not be able to wake up for work on my first day. That’d be a bad way to start 6 months of being laid off, and would probably get me another 6 months of no work, so I played it safe. FRANZIA BOXED WINE! The nectar of the grape gods.

      Well, I haven’t done laundry for like two months. It really has nothing to do with being broke, I just didn’t feel like doing it, so I went commando, and have just been sitting around my apartment writing in a pair of shorts and eating peanut butter and jelly sandwiches for like 2 months. It’s a glamourous life – writing. I picked a real winner of a next career path to go after. Man, and now it sucks, cause I wasn’t expecting a call for work until July, so I had to scrounge together some clean clothes for work today. I have mismatched socks, and a tie dyed shirt, no underwear, and I’m out scouting for locations to film, showing up on people’s doorstep like a crazy man. Maybe I’ll use it for a story down the road sometime, because it’s quite a sight. Well, it sucks being broke, so I hope you achieve your pathway to success soon too. Watch this: XOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXO

      Pretty cool, huh? That one’s just for you. Damn, and now it’s too late in the evening – 12:30 AM – so I missed the boat on doing laundry again. Looks like I’ll be going commando again tomorrow for scouting. Wish me luck.

      • Don’t beat yourself (or your liver) up over there being more alcohol than bottles of water in you refrigerator. Musician George Watsky grows more marijuana than marigolds in his kitchen garden.

        Don’t beat yourself (or your *ahem*) up over going commando while on the job. Musician George Watsky toured an entire state and performed concerts without his underwear too. What he did include were his trousers though, damn.

        Yes, I’ve been dosing myself over the prescribed limit on George Watsky. But blah, you have your whiskey. I have my Watsky.

        Kisses and wishes for your first day! And the copious (fingers crossed) that follow.

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  18. Congratulations, Chris! It sounds like your job is buckets of fun. I hope you’ll still write because you are awesome. It would really be hard on us dimwitted followers of yours if you were too busy being famous, and all. It sounds like you’ve already started to pack away some morels, you little squirrel, and for that, we thank you. Have fun living the dream!

  19. I’m so happy for your success. And as for your writing career, you definitely have the talent. Don’t doubt it for a moment. I am honored that someone with such a great sense of humor is following me at 1950 Suburban Adventures.

  20. Once, some years ago, I was @ a laundromat near the corner of Keele & Dundas — In those days not a very good area of Toronto (canada, not california). In walked Leonard Nimoy and crew scouting locations for a film. Our eyes locked over my frillies …. He did not actually say Live Long and Prosper but I could tell he wanted to. Absolutely. And he would have totally put me in his film even if I was discovered folding my underpants in a grotty laundromat in a shit area of town. I predict that you, scouting guru, will have the same affect on those whose paths you cross in your scouting journey. Scout on.

  21. Thank God you found a job and you will stop writing that often. I was losing so much precious time going through your posts. I was sort on alcohol and had to try a substitute and your blog was just about right.
    By the way and since my blog doesn’t have as much followers, allow me to announce through yours, that I have recently found a 4.75 Euros/ per hour work, just to pay the rent, but I will keep posting as regularly because I like to think that I am building my future through this blog-plus it is the only creative thing that is left. Calling my kids names is not creative anymore, I have no inspiration for new names.
    For the ones interested and reading this far, it is a summer job at an ice cream factory and by September I will be back in time (and with no money), to read your wonderful posts once more. If you don’t hear from me again, it means that I’ve made it and I am in a cool, shady place with no internet connection, but lots of free sex.

    P.S. Let us know of your new project .

  22. Congrats! I stumbled upon your blog, and you are wickedly funny. Looking forward to seeing your work on screen :)

  23. Pingback: Freshly Pressed – SMACK! | The Dimwit Diary

  24. HAHAHAHA, thank you for the post! It’s been incredibly inspiring, really. No, no, really.I have been out of work as well (well, kind of, but that’s a long story) and coming back to your blog refreshed my well of inspiration. Which is always good when your daily routine turns into “wake up – apply to 20 jobs- write cover letters- contact people to see if they have work for you- send stuff that bitches don’t pay you for- go to sleep”.
    Thank you :D

  25. Pingback: Lift Off | The Dimwit Diary

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