Ten Famous Autocorrected Quotes – Volume Two

Suppose a young man with a wild imagination and too much time on his hands went to a greasy spoon diner one evening at 3 AM.   Suppose the same young man grew tired of all the belligerent drunks and lot lizards that usually frequent a greasy spoon diner late at night, so he began to surf the interwebs on his smart phone to occupy his time until his gyro omelette and rye toast were ready to be served.

Suppose that while killing time surfing the interwebs, the young man came across some famous quotes and later stumbled upon the humorous website, Damn You Autocorrect.  Now suppose the imaginative young man with too much time on his hands got to thinking:

“What if all the famous authors, poets, artists, philosophers, and great leaders of history had to use a smart phone to type their inspiring quotes?  Would their quotes sound any less smart?  Would they be any less inspiring?  What would the quotes read like if these great historical figures had to put down their pen and paper, and use the same means of communication that we use today – texting, tweeting, emailing, and other forms of social media?  What if the famous quotes were subject to autocorrect?”

Suppose the young man’s thoughts were to materialize.  I suppose you would get something like this.  Ten famous quotes given the autocorrect treatment, volume two.

Dali Lama

Audrey Hepburn

Napoleon Bonnaparte

Ernest Hemmingway

Muhummod Ali Greatest

Emily Dickonson

Kurt Vonnegut

W. Clement Stone

Charles Darwin

Naopleon Bunaparte

76 thoughts on “Ten Famous Autocorrected Quotes – Volume Two

  1. auto-correct error perhaps, but, the measure of a man’s french fries really is a good measure of his worth… especially if he shares his fries.

    Funny stuff my friend!

    • Yes! I’m a sucker for a good french fry. And also a bad french fry. McDonald’s being my favorite. I’d share with you John, being that you’re a swell guy and all. Maybe. Thanks my friend.

    • And you are too kind. I’m dimwitted in a lot of other ways though. One of those people that are sorta smart but can’t seem to manage their way through everyday life – spilling food on their shirt, losing their car in the parking lot, forgetting to RSVP for a good friend’s wedding, losing the invitation, forgetting the date, and missing their wedding like I just did this past weekend. Whoops. I’m a dimwit :)

      • You missed the wedding because you really didn’t want to go for the wedding. Not because you are a dimwit. Losing your car in the parking lot? Well if you were in Kenya I would say it was because you drive a Toyota. I don’t have an excuse for you. Maybe a fifth of a dimwit? :P

  2. I falafel for having to tell you this, but there are 650 calories in one serving of Greek omelette with gyro meat.

      • oooooohhhh… Gas! I GET IT!!! hahahhahahahahahahahhahahahahahahahahha :)

        How about “The CEO of Yahoo, after revoking the right to give her employees the option to work from home, gave herself a $50,000 boner….wait.. bonus I meant bonus!!

    • These great minds with all their sage wisdom. Even autocorrect can’t slow ’em down. I’m thinking of doing some Bukowski quotes, but honestly, his are so bizarre to begin with, that I could just quote them verbatim and it would sound like he typed them on a phone. XOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXO

      • Consider Ernest Hemingway aswell. This paragon of poetry rhymes “art” with “fart” (I’m being startlingly serious here) and is revered as a legend in literature.

        XoXoXo and so on. A game of x’s and o’s would be rather interesting with you.

  3. Napoleon and Darvin are perfectly correct. I wonder what this auto correct would come up with if you insert the famous Napoleone quote: ” I am coming home, don’t take a bath”

  4. A picture is worth a 1000 whores.

    I bet a lot of people nodded their head in agreement at that one.

  5. My youngest (11) is dyslexic. Yesterday she was using her older sisters phone to text us even though she was just outside the door. She shouted in ” Sorry about the spellings I didn’nt spell it that way, it just keeps changing what i write”. Turns out she was wrong and the phone was correcting her!

    • Ha! Thanks for sharing the funny story. That’s awesome. Some of my high school and college essays look like they were written through text messages using autocorrect. SO MUCH RED INK. Good times. :)

    • The omelet was amazing! Well, not really, the gyro meat was dry, and the eggs had too much butter. But hey, it was cheap and the ambiance of 3-toothed ladies with side ponytails more than made up for it. Good old Pittsburgh. I’ve got some more quotes coming up. Thanks for checking them out my man. Cheers.

    • You’re welcome, dear. Yeah, turn it back on! Have a ball. I’m the worst with texting because I write these lengthy novels that are all over the place, and people usually don’t reply or they just type back “k.” It’s sorta my strategy to get someone to cease and desist if they text me too much. So feel free to try that one out too.

  6. Reading this gem capped my day off so very nicely that I had to tweet-pimp the link out to the masses. Well, at least 916 people. Not sure how many are actually people. But it’s the thought that counts, right?!

  7. Reblogged this on Fat Bottom Girl Said What and commented:
    He fucking did it again!! How could he? I just got my pants dried out from the last round of these piss-your-pants-funny autocorrected quotes! You have to read this shit, because they will give you the best laugh you’ve had in a long time. Oh, and I’m sure this will garner him even more followers than he already has!! Enjoy my laziness, and the fruits of his brilliant comedic mind!

  8. I have two quotes rolled into one ” I have thought long and HARD, it came up. If you want to climb the ladder of success be the first to step on someone´s head”
    PS. Angelina never showed up at LA X, your a liar, had to travel back to Spain, the land of the wild bulls with a boner.

  9. So much for ‘the sequel is never as good as the original.’ These were well worth the agonizing two days I’ll spend trying to get the image of tuberculosis out of my head. Not tuberculosis, *Teletubby Kurt*.

  10. Pingback: Ten Famous Autocorrected Quotes – Volume Three | The Dimwit Diary

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