Well, first off, let me begin with an apology. I was not myself the last tutorial. I was angry. I was furious. I wanted to smash Jon Bon Jovi’s face off the side of a curb and bury his Olivia Newton-John looking hair into the bowels of the sewers of New Jersey. It was just a very bad day, but nothing that a lot of whiskey and a few jagerbombs can’t fix. So, sorry for that. Pulled it together, dusted myself off, and ready to go. It’s time to begin our supercalifragilisticexpialidocious Mary Poppins lesson.
So let me be the first to admit that I’ve never seen this damn movie in my entire life. You’d have to shoot me first before I go around watching Mary Poppins. But somebody made the request that since we did ferocious wolves in pop up tents the last time, this time could I do one more for the ladies and gay gentlemen. So I said, “Fine. It would be my pleasure.”
Since I’m not familiar with Mary Poppins, I did a little fishing around online. As far as I can tell, it’s about some super nanny that flies around like a witch, wearing floppy hats, except for using brooms to fly around in, she uses an umbrella. Sounds like a winner. I’ll be sure to check it out sometime, right after I finish up my will and swallow a fist full of pills.
Let’s begin today’s Photoshop lesson and get it over with, shall we? I suppose we shall.
Step 1: Pray To Jesus
This step is self explanatory, so no need to ramble on. In addition to praying to Jesus, I will be listening to lots of Pantera. Ladies and gay gentlemen, feel free to substitute Pantera with Chitty Chitty Bang Bang. Whatever floats your boat. To each their own.
Step 2: Selecting Flying Umbrella Witch Images To Combine
Above are the two primary images I’ll be combining together to make our Mary Poppins flying umbrella witch poster. On the far right is a photo of my Mom and my youngest sister. As you can see, my Mom is making her usual goofy face, holding an umbrella the size of Jupiter, and doing her best to embarrass me in public. She will make a perfect Mary Poppins flying umbrella witch for the purpose of this demonstration for sure.
Step 3: Getting Rid Of The Floppy Hat Flying Umbrella Witch
So by now, you’ve already learned to do enough lassoing of ferocious wolf heads and smoking hot blonds in previous lessons, so I’m going to skip that portion. I will teach you some new tricks to become a Photoshop master like me, so one day all of your friends will bow down to you in mighty awe.
Go to the upper, left hand corner and select the Clone Stamp Tool. Here is a visual of where you can find the tool. Take a good look, cause it’s the last time you’ll be seeing super nanny flying through the air, toting around her oversized duffle bag, and looking pensively off into the distance with her rosy cheeked witch face.
So basically, I’ll try to walk you through this as best I can in as few words as possible. I don’t feel like being here all day looking at flying umbrella witches, as I’m sure you don’t either.
Make a new layer of the Mary Poppins original photo. Once you’ve got a new layer, select a sample of the clouds using the Clone Stamp Tool by pressing Option click. Once you’ve got a sample to clone with, you will essentially be copying portions of the sky and clouds to cover up super nanny extraordinaire. Here is a visual of what the process should look like.
Son of a bitch, not again. Sorry for the screaming bald-headed eagle Photoshoppers. That’s my mistake, so just ignore. We will get to you in a minute baldy, so shut your beak and give it a rest with all the screaming before I lasso that beak shut for good. I already have enough of a pounding headache between Pantera and flying umbrella witches, and honest to God.
I have no idea why I do this crap to myself. Making these Photoshop tutorials. I never liked Photoshop in college to begin with, so here I am teaching Photoshop lessons on Mary Poppins and Chitty Chitty Bang Bangs. I swear it’s like I lived another life and was sent back to teach Photoshop lessons as a punishment or something. Well, just ignore the screaming bald-headed eagle, and let’s move on before I have another nervous breakdown and have to go see my doctor again.
So as you can see from the photo above, I replaced the rosy cheeked witch face with a cloud. If you look closely, you can see that I sampled the cloud to the immediate left, and basically just cloned that cloud to cover up Poppins’ floppy hat wearing face, which if you ask me is an improvement. No offense to any Marry Poppins fans out there. All things aside, I’m sure she’s a terrific nanny.
So that’s what you’ll wanna do. Keep taking samples of the sky and clouds near the area that you want to cover over, so it matches up pretty close. Doesn’t have to be perfect, because most of it will be covered up with my Mom and her umbrella the size of Jupiter in the next step.
Step 4: Superimposing My Mom And Her Umbrella The Size Of Jupiter
Welp, that’s it. I hate to cut this short, but I’ve reached my limit and we’re only 5 minutes into this godforsaken thing. There’s only so much of flying umbrella witches a person can take. I’ve got some frisbee to go play, so here’s the deal. Basically, I lassoed my Mom and her big ass umbrella and made a new layer. I took that image, and imported it into the Poppins photo.
It’s gets complicated from there, so you know what. If you want a futher lesson, then how about you dimwits give me a call. I’ll come over, we’ll drink some whiskey, smoke a cigar, and Photoshop flying umbrella witches all night until the sun comes up. It’ll be a great time. And if you’re a nice lady and you want a lesson, it will be an even greater time, except for I’ll either be passed out drunk or probably just be puking in the bathroom after staring at floppy hat witches all day, so probably won’t be as great of a time on second thought. But just call me or something, cause this is getting to be a real headache for me to keep typing it out like this. Whatever I did in the past life musta been something major, that’s all I can figure.
I’m wrapping this nightmare Poppins witchfest up, and getting sloshed.
Here’s your Mary Poppins flying umbrella witch poster. I added in a screaming bald-headed eagle, because I saw in a few photos that Mary Poppins likes birds. Just for good measure, I added a wicked thunderstorm and a couple of fierce lightening bolts, cause I thought it looked pretty cool, and more like something that super nanny witches would probably be into. I also gave my Mom a rosy cheeked witch face, so here you go.
Congratulations on making a Mary Poppins flying umbrella witch poster. That concludes the tutorial for today. Join me next lesson as I teach you how to Photoshop yourself into the previous life, and correct all the mistakes you’ve made using the Magic Eraser Tool found in the upper, left hand corner. Can’t wait.
I believe wholeheartedly that this is a skill all should possess. Mary Poppins is a freaky chick, but this is necessary, man!
I thought so. I don’t know. Still waiting to hear back from my Mom to see what she thinks :)
Sweet Mother Mary Poppins is now my new name at the office thanks to you! They’ve printed off 50 copies of this rosy-cheeked poster and it now decorats all corners. You just wait until I figure out how to do this photoshop thing! I have some doozies lined up with you, Mr. Wit!
PS I wish you would have used a cute little parakeet for the bird. Pamper your mother, for Pete’s sake!
HAHAHAHAHA, tell ’em to print me off one while they’re at it! I still haven’t figured out your mother’s day post quite yet, but I don’t know. I might take it easy on ya and go a little sweet, but we’ll see.
We have one printed off for you! I’m going to Michael’s to look for a really sweet frame– purple, yellow, and green gum drops. That kind of thing.
As for Mother’s Day — it’s a no brainer. Photo shop me in a field of flowers with all of my animal kindgom friends up on the hill. Then, I could frame that and give it to each of you kids as an awesome Christmas gift!
funny explainations .. love it..
Thanks Daniel! I’ve got some more Photoshop tutorials coming up, so should be fun stuff.
My older sister and my mother walked out of Mary Poppins – not the woman but the theater. They were unaware it was a musical beforehand. It was kinda like when Ms. Newton-John shows up all hot at the end of Grease only to learn John preferred her John Denverness from earlier in the flick.
Ha! Well, I actually think I have seen Mary Poppins when I was younger. Can’t say I was a big fan. All I remember is something about a spoonful of sugar? I could be off.
Yeah, something about making it easier to go down. I don’t know. Brits.
“… not the woman but the theater…” Awesome.
The way they described it was as traumatic as if it had the reverse.
Holy crap when they started singing we said enough is enough. We left. We didn’t need that crap.
You are hilarious. Great Photoshop
Hey, thanks! You all will be Photoshop wizards in a few weeks/months. Thanks for reading.
Ah, i see. Well thta\’s not too tricky at all!\”
Excellent work as usual, Dimmy. Your mother looks like somebody I’d enjoy hanging out with for about 90 minutes sometime.
Ha, Don. That’s about my limit. Nah, she’s great (sorta). Don’t know if you saw, but I took her on a 2 week trip to Italy a few years ago. Got some killer pics. Here’s the link if you ever get some time…25 must see photos of Italy.
Holy Crap, you have 10 brothers and sisters!!??? We’re Italian too!!! Well, my wife not so much, but I am…well, mostly anyway! I hope to someday visit Italy and photograph everyday American things as well!! Good boy taking momma to Italy.
These are the types of Photoshop tutorials I wish I had been assigned while I was in school.. I feel like my graphic designing skills could’ve been enhanced with skill sets like these.
Me and you both. My teacher was boring as all get out, so I would skip class and play frisbee. Well, I have some good ones coming up. You’ll be a Photoshop wiz in no time. Thanks for reading.
Interesting comment on Dahl. He was dlepey involved with the film, he consulted on the production and wrote the screenplay. So given his level of involvement it seems strange that he didn’t voice these concerns during production, but waited until it was too late.
I don’t think we have to do the step 1 to 3 if the outcome will be the last photo, right? I just noticed that the background are not the same so we might skip 3 steps and find another background, lasso your cool mom and furious bald-head eagle as well as Mary Popping font (if we can’t find that font type) and put them together with the thunder pic. Still, I don’t know how to do the rosy cheek. And the lasso tool always make me wanna scream. I think Photoshop is for someone who must be very patient and your lasso quality is neat. Thank you for the fun tutorial :)
Busted! Someone is a Photoshop expert. Yeah, I used a different photo for the background. But just wanted to teach y’all how to use the Clone Stamp Tool. I use that one a lot. Thanks for the lasso compliment. I take pride in my lassoing, because it does take patience. Thanks for reading. Cheers!
Nope I’m not good at Photoshop as I used to try to use it to do magic stuffs. Due to taking a lot of patience, I gave up and use another easier tool. But just have an urge to give it another try when I saw your sparkling vampire turorial. Very tempting!
I fear for your mother.
Bwahahahaha! She’s reads this thing too, so hm. I might not be getting any birthday presents this year. Guess I better think of something good for Mother’s Day coming up. Bwahahahaha.
I peed. again.
Oh no! Well, next time I’m at K-Mart buying turtlenecks, I’ll pick you up some depends. Compliments of the dimwit. :)
Maybe a photoshop tutorial
of those would be gracious.
Sorry, I have to admit I used to love Mary Poppins when I was a kid. I was my first movie ever in a real cinema and that was a big thing for me since I was very young at that time (not very long ago ofcourse ;) )
Last year then, huh? You youngin’. Well, that’s awesome. I’ve never been a fan of musicals, but I will say the photo that I took for this tutorial was when I brought my mom and sister to the ballet. Which reminds me, I don’t like the ballet either, but hey. To each their own. I’m open to trying new things. Maybe I”ll give Mary Poppins another try someday….maybe.
You’re missing out on a classic! Can I talk you into letting me bring it when we meet at the car wash?
YES. That didn’t take too much convincing, now did it tumbleweed. A movie at the car wash with the loon. Sounds good, I’m free on Friday.
Are you kidding me? Out of the nearly 10,000 pictures I’ve sent you of me, this is the one you find to use? I’m left without words….. If I can figure out this #@%^ photoshop thing, I have a few doozies in mind of you! PS I do like the rosy cheeks. Gives me some youth, don’t you think?
10,000 photos is being generous. It’s more like 50,000. Well, fine. I’ll give teach you how to do a Mary Poppins flying umbrellas witch poster sometime, but you have to supply the Franzia. The things a son does for his mother.
An answer from an expert! Thanks for coniutbrting.
She takes a street cleaner, who is also the chimney sweeper in the start of the movie, with the children, into a chalk drawing, that suddenly turns to animation, they dance with penguins and end up at a horse track. It’s the greatest movie ever. Plus she gives special sugar that helps the medicine go down.
WHAT?! Is that true or a fib? That actually sounds kinda cool the way you make it sound. I might have to rethink this Mary Poppins video, and give it a go sometime. I’ll probably take my own medicine beforehand, in the whiskey variety just incase.
That is solid truth there friend. (Or my mother laced the juice in my sippy cup.) I’m positive Mary Poppins was probably carrying a fifth in that carpet bag of hers, she is the best nanny.
Oh good, I can add this to my growing list of completely unmarketable skills!
Nice! You too? I’ve got tons of unmarketable skills. Figured I’d put ’em all together in this here blog, so feel free to come back if your skills are ever getting to be too sharp.
Sigh. New Jersey isn’t just sewers with bowels. Occupying those sewers are rats, stemming from both the Rattus rattus species and the Political species. On the upside, we also have Taylor Ham, which if you’ve never had it, you need to add it to your bucket list. Taylor ham, egg and cheese on a hard roll, with salt, pepper, and ketchup. Remember that. It is the diner capital of the world… try the Disco Fries. It also has the BEST pizza, is a great place to raise children and has one of the best school systems. Son of a bitch…remind me why I moved to North Carolina again? Now I’m hungry.
What is this Taylor Ham you speak of? I’m looking that up. I’m not too far from Jersey, and I’ve been known to hop in the car and just drive on occasion. I may just end up there someday. No, just kidding. It’s in New Jersey. Just kidding again. Actually, I do hear wonderful things about Jersey, something about it being one of the wealthiest states. Also, home to Zach Braff. So it can’t be that bad. Thanks for the tip!
It’s kind of like a combination of Canadian Bacon and Bacon. Errr, the bacon of ham? Hmmm. There’s no way to really describe it, except amazing. You can try your local deli, ask for pork roll and have them slice it thin. Then you fry it up. Sometimes you can find it packaged, but it’s too thick and doesn’t taste the same. If you ever do try it, please let me know your thoughts. I love Taylor Ham virgins.
What can I say? Oh, this is Lynda from the Lynda Renham blog and not some weird chick in Asian clothing… That’s a whole other story. A bit like Mary Poppins but worse. I have always find photo shop migraine inducing and deleted the damn programme from my computer (smart move, huh) so now I need a cheap or freebie copy because I HAVE to do the Mary Poppins thing don’t I? I mean it is on my bucket list now…. x
Yes! It’s a must. Skydiving and Photoshopping Mary Poppins posters. Both could have the same amount of risk factor. Well, if you stick around, I have some more tutorials coming up, so we’ll make you a wiz in no time. I have to get that Asian clothing story sometime. I’m intrigued.
The Asian clothing story is a soon to be blog so hang onto your hat.
As for me being a wiz in no time. God, you’re an optimist without doubt. x
Mary POPPINS?! Out of all the awesome super celebrities you picked Poppins?! I was hoping for someone like Tom Selleck who is totally super amazing. FINE though. If I have to do Tom myself, so be it. I’ll do Tom.
Go do Tom then! Naughty. Well, maybe I’ll do a tutorial on how to make a Tom Selleck mustache sometime. That one could be for the ladies and gents. Thanks for the idea!
Busy doing Tom. It’s a mess over here. You’re tutorial didn’t cover much. Certainly not moustaches.
I distinctly remember screaming bloody murder when I watched Mary Poppins when I was five or so and my parents had to turn it off. That lady is freaky.
She is, isn’t she? Who trusts a nanny that flies around like a witch? Here kids, mommy and daddy are running late and have to be on our way to dinner. Poppins will be flying in with her umbrella and mysterious bag to give you your medicine any second now, so behave until she gets here. Sounds crazy.
Plus, the spoonful of sugar was definitely drugs
i agree with kay about the ‘spoonful of sugar’ and thought the chimney sweep was definitely gay and mary pop was his beard as he was not out yet and the kids and dancing penguins were a bit creepy.that is my summary of the film and nice tutorial. love your mom and her reply too – )
Well, thanks for the summary! All these summaries, I don’t have to watch the film now, so saves me a few hours and a few bucks having to buy a fifth of whiskey for the occasion. My mom is a nut, isn’t she? Now you know where I got it from. Good to hear from you Beth.
As a gay man, I take exception to substituting Chitty Chitty Bang Bang. That is so NOT a gay movie reference of any kind. A card carrying gay man would never substitute anything for Julie Andrews. We might switch Mary Poppins for Sound of Music, but that’s just trifles…
As for Mary Poppins… when you’re a kid, it’s a fun movie. As an adult, Julie Andrews notwithstanding, is a really long, movie which jumps around aimlessly, and really only has one good song: Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious. Photoshopping Mary Poppins is much more fun than the movie.
My gay friend, John! Hey buddy. Sorry I messed up on the Chitty Chitty Bang Bang. I get all confused as to what musical artists tickles the gay man’s fancy. I know my friends are into Whitney Houston and Bette Midler, then from there, I usually just tune them out. The Sound of Music, huh. That’s another one that I’ve never watched. I do want to see that one someday though, so maybe you can join me and tumbleweed for our movie date at the car wash and we’ll give it a go. That would make for a great night, I’m sure. Thanks for reading and talk to ya soon.
You’ve never seen Sound Of Music? Interesting … not that it’s The Best Movie Ever, but, still worth a peek. Though try and see it before you get too much older… I find that when I see bits and pieces on TV, now that I’m older, the kids are very annoying.
But hey… carwash movie sounds cool…
OMG sooo weird I recently re did my wrbdroae and anf whole room and threw away so much! stuff i ddnt need so I decided that if it ddnt fit in my room i would give it away I love how my new wrbdroae looks i also kinda have limited space il try and do a post on it I think this post will be really helpful to many people especially in london where its so hard to get big affordable places xxxx
Amazing! I am sharing you with my Facebook friends…I do have a few. Seriously DELIGHTFUL! and you taught me something! Now isn’t that a novel idea, injecting humor into teaching! Love your humor–I was a Language Arts Teacher of Middle School Students for 35 years — YOU would be a great teacher! But I do not think the Tea-Partiers would let you in…Forward and up, up and away! Your Mother raised a great son! [Mother’s Day is this Sunday…I also like to put a plug in for that day!]
Oh hey there, darling! Sure you have a few friends. I do too, except most people can’t see them. Wow, so you survived 35 years of teaching middle schoolers. That puts you up there with the Mother Theresas of the world. You’ve earned your sainthood. I actually thought about teaching at some point, but honestly what ended the idea pretty quickly was the idea of having to go back to school myself to get the degree. I’m not a school setting kinda guy, but I do like to learn. Mostly I get my knowledge from homeless people. Honestly, they tell the best stories and have lived the most life a lot of times, so I like to talk to them, hang out a little, and study from the book of life.
Well, thanks for the reminder for Mother’s Day. I thought it was a few weeks from now, so that doesn’t give me much time to think of something. You’re a saint! Good to have you onboard.
I laughed most thinking about you taking the picture of yourself with that expression, those sunglasses and that umbrella. Were you alone for this photo or did someone you know have to experience this scene also? You just really make me smile while also planting ideas in my head about attempting to learn photoshop again. How do you do that?
As retaliation for your f*#!%ng with Mary Poppin’s picture I’ve nominated you for the Leibster Award. No doubt you’re thrilled and are trying to strong arm famous friends to fill out the questions. They are all to be found on my page. The questions, sadly, not the famous people. Later Alligator.
Nice tutorial. Thank you for liking my Relational Art Film ‘Circle Baby to Sleep’, your future visits and likes ~ Tienny :-)
The co-star in that film was Dick Van Dyke playing a cheeky cockney chimney sweep, his attempt at an “authentic” accent is the worst in living memory (just beating the English woman’s brother in Frasier: what a dick!) If Van Dyke or his tosser “can’t act but gets a job on diagnosis murder thanks to his dad” son Barry show their faces round our way I’ll be landing punches in bunches on their big lantern jaws and setting my dogs on their ballsacks. ‘aallo Muuuury Poppens…..grrrrrrrr
P.S. Love this blog!
You are one funny guy. I love the writing and maybe I will have to follow back through past posts to read the previous lessons so I can maybe finally figure out how to use that expensive photoshop program I bought for my daughter who never uses it.
That movie caused me to try and eat a spoonful of sugar.
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