Hello fellow bloggers and you poor, unlucky souls that had the misfortune to stumble across this blog. Thought I’d take a break in the action from Photoshopping ferocious wolves and writing fictional stories about the Baha Men for a minute if that’s all right.
I was nominated for three awards this past week. It’s an honor, really. The only awards that I’ve ever won are things like the “Hustle” award in basketball, and “Most Likely to End Up In Jail.” Nailed both of them suckers, too. My parents were proud to get that phone call at 2 AM, let me tell you.
The nominations mean a lot, they really do. However, I’m sad to report that I have to decline. I was really conflicted as how to go about it, and I even wrote to a seasoned blogger friend to see if she could offer up some advice since I’m kinda new around here.
I figured I owed some sort of explanation as to why I’m declining the nominations. So here it is. I’ve been busy writing. Crazy busy. Maddening days and maddening nights typing away at the keyboard and Photoshopping.
Pretty soon I have to go back to working on movies, back to a job that pays. So I’ve been trying to get the next few months all finished up, so I can still post a little madness for you all when I’m working. I don’t want your lives to all the sudden lose purpose and meaning when the Dimwit’s gone. That would be something awful. So I’m declining the nominations so I can keep plowing forward and remain focused on writing. Hope you understand.
But of course just like a thank you is never enough for a madman like myself, an apology is never enough either. I’ve done some digging. I have all sorts of keepsakes that I’ve saved over the years – journals, high school essays, drawings, embarrassing poetry. Well, I managed to dig up a good one. I found this handout from my Speech class in 9th grade. It’s a list of 20 personal questions and answers. I noticed on the rules for the award nominations, they had you fill out 10 questions about yourself, so I thought I’d share my personal answers with my fellow dimwits as sort of my apology. It’s outdated, sure. But honestly, the answers haven’t changed all that much in *gulp* 20 years. I was as ornery then as I am now.
I was a teacher’s nightmare, and boy did I like to give them fits. I was a smartass, the class clown, cracking jokes, disrupting class, skipping classes, wondering around the hallways, and skipping school. But I was also the kid who took the smelly girl to the school dance when I found out she had been taking showers in the mornings at school because her parents couldn’t afford things like soap and shampoo. So even though I gave them fits, the teachers cut me some slack because they knew I had a kind heart and meant well overall. I also graduated top of my class, so suck it teachers!!! That was my final hoorah for them, and boy did it drive them mad.
Well, I tend to ramble in case you haven’t noticed, so I better wrap it up. Below are my 20 personal questions and answers. For any of my *gulp* elderly? ancient? readers who have trouble seeing with your cataracts, you can click on the image, and it should open up nice and big. Here are my 20 personal answers….
There you have it. A little history and background on the Dimwit dingaling. I’ve got some good stuff coming up. More Photoshop tutorials, famous guest bloggers, online reviews, an advice column, and lots more madness.
I do appreciate the nominations. Feel free to nominate me for more if you’d like. Just let me know, and I’ll give you a plug or something in return. Below are the three, kind folks who nominated me. Please be sure to visit their blogs and go give them all sorts of fits. I will do the same.
1. Sassy Panties – She has a avatar-whoozy-ma-whatzit photo of a child picking it’s nose. She’s also my kindred spirit and she’s funny. She likes to curse like a sailor, but don’t let that stop you if you’re more of a tame tiger. She also has a kind heart. She would be delighted if you stopped by, I’m sure.
2. KiralynBlue – She’s an over-analyzer, ninja squirrel wrangler, and urban fantasy author. Those are her words, not mine if you can believe it. Does sound intriguing. I’d suggest you give it a click.
3. Aspiring Writer 22 – Meet Herminia Chow. She’s 22 and an aspiring writer incase you haven’t gathered from her blog title. She’s also Canadian, but we won’t hold that against her. She seems lovely, so show her some support if you would.
Cool, well thanks again. And sorry if I’ve missed any replies to your comments. I do read them all and try to answer them as best I can, but my mean boss is a slave driver (and also a dimwit.)
Cheers to you all.
The Dimwit Diary 
I Think We’re The Same Age! Are You My Long Lost Twin? Ok….I’m Using The Force Right Now…Can You Hear Me?
Are you talking to ME?! Get outta my head!
Um, why am I hearing the voices of two women in my head? That hasn’t happened since my 21st birthday…
Kevin is that you? Mr. Costner, how the hell you been buddy!!! Haven’t heard from you in ages. Good to hear from you. Oh – not too much. Just been busy writing tall tales and keeping up with this blog. Okay, thanks! You too. Anytime.
Dag nabbit good stuff you whepiersnappprs!
a Dimwit with a kind heart is a good thing – good job young man
Thank you!
personally i feel fortunate to have stumbled across this blog but perhaps that makes me a dimwit… oh well.. i can live with that :) congrats on the nominations even if you didn’t accept them. oh and im pretty sure my brother’s life goal at one point was to beat the legend of zelda also lol.
Ha! Yeah, well has anyone beat that game? I mean, I know some have claimed to have beat it, but if I didn’t know any better, they’re fibbers too. Well, I”m glad you stumbled across this blog too. It’s nice to have you, and you always are so dear. Thanks.
Ya did good, son. I wish I had your wit in 93 … though I was only 6, so I guess I had an excuse. Did you ever accomplish your lifelong goal?
Yes, but wit in the hands of a 16 year old can sure get you in a lot of trouble. My parents got a lot of phone calls from the neighborhood and from the school principle. But mostly it was all in good fun, and so as much as the wit got me in trouble, it was handy in talking my way out of it, too.
Well, I never beat that damn game, so it’s still on the list of goals to accomplish one day. It’s lofty, but you gotta aim high. That’s what I told my teachers :)
Be honest. You never beat Legend of Zelda, did you!
NO! That game is impossible! I think whoever created it is even more ornery than me, and it was all just a ploy to drive people mad. Same with Mike Tyson’s Punch Out. Although, I think I may have beaten that game but I can’t recall for sure. Cheers.
Mike Tyson’s Punch Out is the reason for my high blood pressure to this very day. Or maybe its genetics. or it might be the daily trip to Mcdonalds. Regardless, Nintendo rules.
Most definitely. That, Atari, and Sega Genesis are the only game systems I’ve ever got into. Keep it old school…
Congrats, and nicely handled. By the way, I think your high school goals were admirable. Heck, they still are — keep chasing those dreams and make Lil’ Debbie proud! (And just to clarify, I meant the fudge rounds, and not some creepy name I go by on the weekends).
Ha! Okay Lil’ Debbie. Whatever you say. Thanks friend.
You’e more than welcome; I really enjoy your stuff. And I think that name may stick if my wife every sees it, so we’ll just keep it between us.
I had no idea how to approach this befo-ernow I’m locked and loaded.
I can’t tell you how crushed I am that that letter wasn’t really written by the Baha Men (jokes… sort of). Anywho, will you take me to the dance? Not sure if I’m smelly enough though. I could roll around in some cow pat, there’s plenty of that here in Kiwiland… and then we could go to the ball.
Yes, let’s dance! Smelly or not smelly, rolling around in the cow pat, it doesn’t matter. I’ve had more fun going to the dance with girls that aren’t so concerned with running to the bathroom every 5 minutes to check on their hair and make-up, and gossip about the other girls, and all that other stuff. Well, when we do go to the dance, I’m gonna be a little selfish and reserve all the slow dances for just you and I. Hope you don’t mind. XO
Those “skid mark brown” Little Debbie fudge rounds were crucial to life! Hahaha
HA! Yes, exactly. I really did have a thing for them too. Well, the skid mark brown comments usually didn’t score me too many points with the gals in high school, so Little Debbie Fudge Rounds it was. Best girlfriend I ever had (that comment might not score me too many more points, either. Whoops!) Thanks for reading.
I love drudging up the old goodies from High School…they’re the best!! Is Keven Costner still your best friend? But in all seriousness, this was a great way to let your fans know (gently) that although you won’t be posting as much as we’d hoped, we haven’t been forgotten. By the way, eyes that sparkle still get me every time.
Aw, you’re a sweetie. Yeah, it’s strange. I’ve moved around a bit through the years, and lived out of boxes. I don’t have much stuff – a simple man. Yet somehow I managed to hang onto a decent amount of keepsakes like this one. My Mom saved some stuff too, so I’ll probably break a few out here and there. Thanks for the comment.
It sounds like you saved the best bits then. I wish that I could say that I have all of my old writings, but I just have to make do with the college musings. At least its something :)
Well, I don’t know about that. Some of the high school poetry is rather embarrassing, but it’s fun to see where I’ve grown over the years as a writer (hopefully, anyway!) Cheers.
Thank you. I’m not 22, I’m still in high school actually but I won’t hold that against you. (See what I did there?) I’m fortunate enough to stumble upon your blog and I hope you keep blogging.
Oh! Now I see what you did there. See, I am a dimwit. Well, I’m fortunate as well. It’s nice to connect with another aspiring writer. Maybe we’ll both make a go of it, and have a nice writing career someday. In the meantime, enjoy the Photoshop tutorial and such (got a good one about Mary Poppins coming up.) Thanks for reading and for the nomination. Cheers.
No you aren’t a dimwit. Dimwits don’t have such a successful blog like you do.
I’ll be waiting on that Mary Poppins tutorial.
You’re welcome. Best wishes to you too.
Seeing this sure did bring back some vivid memories. It’s funny, in a great kind of way, how you are still you! It’s almost scary, too, how we are who we are (unless someone or some event knocks the heck out of us). But, even then, the core or who we are remains the same. I’m glad you’re still you.
PS Ms. Tiff sends her regards. She lives in a padded room on floor 4. I think you impacted her life in a more meaningful way than you ever knew!
Poor Ms. Tiff! She used to cringe when I would get up to speak in class, but I would also see her try to hide a smile too, so it’s all right. She was a good teacher looking back. Got me interested in writing and now look, Ms. Tiffany! I’ve got a blog about Photoshopping ferocious wolves in pop up tents!
Well, yes, I think unless life takes the sails out of you, there’s this path already in place from when you’re a little child. Sometimes you may stray a bit from the path, or if you’re like me, you stray, climb where you’re not supposed to, find a nice big rock by the river in the middle of nowhere, drink some whiskey you brought along in your backpack, tie a good one on, stare at the butterflies, and have the time of your life, and then get back on the path because it’s getting dark and you forgot a flashlight. That’s a fair summary I think. Well, it doesn’t hurt to have a good Mom, either, I suppose. So thanks for bearing with your ornery son and fielding all the phone calls from the principal and angry neighbors. I was a delight, and still am.
If you actually allow a full-time job with benefits to interfere with your regular blog writing I will disown you and keep the tin of Little Debbie Fudge Rounds I was going to send you!
Snap! A person that knows the way to my heart. Sweet, fudgey, round, Little Debbie scrumptious. Well, if you keep making those kind of threats, I just may have to make writing a career. Maybe there’s a way to make a little money off of this thing and I can keep writing? I’ll work on that, because it’s been fun and you guys are a riot. Cheers.
This reminded me of highschool!
You too, huh?! I was always having a ball – well, usually. I did have a Pink Floyd phase where I was a depressed teenage boy writing bad poetry about girls and heartache and listening to Floyd cassettes on repeat. I’ll be sure to share some of the embarrassing poetry at some point. It’s pretty bad, but I like to laugh at myself too to even the score. Thanks for reading and for being ornery!
Congrats on your nominations. I have but one question. If you were to accept, who would you thank in your acceptance speech? I’m sure it wouldn’t be the typical, God, parents, etc.
Hey thanks! That’s brilliant, Miss Murder (may I call you Murder for short?). Thanks for the idea for the future if I get nominated for anymore awards. I’ll still have to decline, but maybe I’ll at least type up a nice acceptance speech as a thank you. You’re right, it would be anything but normal. I would imagine it would sound much like my rejected Match.com profile (a few posts down if you care to read it.) Thanks for stopping by.
;)
I susoppe that sounds and smells just about right.
Why did they make you do this at the end of January? That’s usually a beginning-of-year project. Sounds like a lazy teacher handing out busy work because she didn’t feel like teaching that day.
Ha! Well, I did have a lot of lazy teachers, and that’s why I tormented them. I went to a small school – 550 students grades K – 12 all in one building. I was top of my class, but only had 37 students in my class. There weren’t many opportunities for advanced classes or learning a specialized skill, so I got bored pretty easily. Although, to be honest, I was a knucklehead and had the attention span of a fly, so I’m not sure I would’ve taken advantage of those opportunities even if they were available.
Well, despite being lazy, most of them were kind being that it was a small school, you knew everyone, and I had the same teachers grades 9 – 12, so you kinda had to make it work regardless because we were stuck together. I gave them fits, but we had some laughs too.
I love those fudge rounds. I also love that they put zero effort into naming them. It’s round and it’s made of fudge. What do we name it? I don’t know. Fudge rounds? Perfect.
So true! I admire it in a lot of ways. It’s like they couldn’t afford an advertising agency, or maybe they came up against a deadline that crept up on them, and some guy making the final call just says, “Screw it. Fudge Rounds it is.” Thanks for the funny comment. Cheers.
You are amazing, you are some one I look up to. I’m trniyg to find my own personal style in drawing and you have one that is soo beautiful. So keep up the good wooork!xxx birgit
That’s a smart answer to a difficult question.
Leprechaun 4? You’re a man not to be trifled with.
Good teachers would recognize you’re bored, and smarter than silly assignments and do something about it. Some are on auto-pilot.
Yeah, it was a small school. I had pretty much the same teachers grades 9 – 12, which meant pretty much the lesson plans were the same through all of those years with just a few changes. That’s why I liked to give them fits because I was bored and they were lazy, but I was sorta lazy myself as far as doing my schoolwork, so it all worked out. I did have a few good ones though. Cheers.
# 16…LOL. Best answer ever.
And awww back to work soon? :( I will still stalk your blog though even if you aren’t posting as much.
Yes, well I’m not certain when exactly. It’s always a last minute kinda thing. Get a phone call one Sunday evening that says, “Hey, what are you doing for the next 5 months of your life? Wanna work on a movie?” So you never know when the phone call is gonna come. Working on movies is all consuming. Usually 80 hour weeks once filming begins. I’ve enjoyed having all of you, and appreciate everyone reading and the kind feedback, so just wanted to be sure to have some material that I could still post when I get sucked back into movie work.
But hey, I’ll be taking a look at how to make this a career when I wrap up the movie and have some time. It’s been fun, and I like to make people laugh and think , so who knows. Maybe I won’t have to do too many more movies and can just create my own madness. Thanks for reading!
#11… I used to LOVE reading cereal boxes! I would read the entire box every time I ate a bowl of cereal, and I used to eat cereal several times a day in high school. At some point during those strange four years, I became a militant vegetarian (now I am a lazy vegetarian) and stopped drinking milk (which I still don’t drink), which disconnected me from my favorite reading fare. Now, as I write this, I really hope you did like reading cereal boxes, because I just made myself sound like a huge dork. Anyway, it made me smile to read that! Thanks for liking my post on my cat, by the way! I am happy to have found your blog!
Ha! Well, hi huge dork. You’ll fit along nicely with the rest of us dimwits if you feel like sticking around. Dorkiness is our specialty. I really did enjoy reading cereal boxes. I don’t eat much cereal these days – more of an oatmeal or eggs kinda guy – so I miss reading them too. And the toys! I miss those for sure. Well cheers. Glad you stopped by and hoping you’ll stay at least for a little while.
You lazy pup!! I tried to get out of awards but was told I was just being Irish, and wangling an excuse!! (joke in case it doesn’t translate).
Ha! No, it translated. Well, I am lazy in a lot of ways for sure. But when I get locked in on something, it’s all consuming. Been cranking out some writing while I have some down time. Hopefully more hits than misses. We’ll see…Thanks for the laugh.
Could you beat it? The Zelda?
NOOOOOO! I don’t think anyone’s beaten that game, and if they have, then I’d like to shake their hand and buy them a round of beers. That game was maddening for sure.
Umm, in that case you might need to meet my brother and give him a handshake/beers cause he has beaten that game, the version on Famicom Nintendo and some other episodes in this Zelda series ;)
Please do me a favor and Photoshop your head onto little Debbie… =D
I like where you’re going with this. Maybe flamingo legs, Fudge Round body, and my half beard head. That’s maybe more of a Halloween tutorial. :)
Nah it doesn’t have to be Halloween to be weird! Just look at fox Mulder. He will tel you being spooky is a full time gig!
Felt so hopeless looking for answers to my qusutione…sntil now.
Did Kevin ever thank you for writing ‘Water World’?
No, that jerk. It was my best work yet. The pinnacle, my crowning achievement (other than the MJ glitter glove.)
This was waaaaay better than accepting a stupid nomination. Like, totally better.
Thanks Sassypanties!
Shanksville Stoneycreek? Seriously? If you are still in that area, you are a stone’s throw from me. Not the end of the world, but you can see it from here. What PA town, does not have an e in it … but has two o’s and two a’s.
Hi there Happy Holly! Yes, Shanksville StonyCRICK. Wow, what a small world, eh? I’m a little slow this morning…didn’t go to bed. What town are you from if you don’t mind me asking? I couldn’t piece together all those o’s and a’s. Well, I’m in the big city now…Pittsburgh. But it’s nice to come across a friendly neighbor. Cheers.
I’m FROM Pittsburgh originally (actually leaving to go there in about ten minutes) from Plum (yes, I know … Plum High)
And the dearth of humanity here would be Altoona.
Enjoy da ‘burgh!! I’m heading to the Souside for a few … then may pop into dahntahn. Miss my rivers!!!
Yeah! Thatta girl Holly. Have a good one n’at. Grab some lunch dahn at Primmanti’s.
hahahaha … wasn’t sure if you’d been there long enough to do an “anat” on you. Primmanti’s … home of the best grease known to man … and pretty crappy bathrooms if I recall correctly. (I feel a blog entry coming on)
Your handwriting looks like a 7 year old’s handwriting and about the answers… stop trying so hard to be funny :)
Well, geez. Thank goodness for emoticons and that smiley face at the end, because you were about to see this 7 year old throw a tantrum fit! Thanks for the comment ;)
Lack of tone of voice can do that :) , so thank God someone was probably looking at this from a 90 degree angle point of view and invented computer smileys
Re. number 3: WOW, WOW, WOW! Totally in awe.
You peaked early and by the looks of it, for some people, the only way is up!
Good work my, I was going to say friend but as I don’t even know you I’ll say ‘Good work person who writes well, obviously has a sense of humour and also occasionally likes my posts’ (and thank you for the latter by the way, because even if you just click ‘like’ without reading my ramblings, the clicking effort is still much appreciated!).
Yes, it is quite the accomplishment. My 9th grade Speech teacher disagreed with me, however. You can call me friend, or dimwit, or whatever you’d like. It’s a friendly place around here. You’re welcome for the clicks. I have been doing a lot of clicking lately. Guilty as charged, but sometimes it brings people here, and they get a nice laugh, so it’s with the best of intentions. And I do read as many posts as I can. I’ll come visit your way sometime soon and do some more liking and reading. Thanks for stopping by and for the comment.
Play inivtmarfoe for me, Mr. internet writer.
Congrats on the nominations! You have given me reason to hang on to my kids’ highschool crap, if only for the simple reason of a good laugh when they’re older. Thanks for an entertaining visit to your past – and happy to see you turned out mostly normal, LOL. Thanks for visiting and liking my blog.
Most excellent. My best friend just finished her bachelor of education to become a teacher. I passed this along to her, as I’m sure it will serve her well ;) Also, I didn’t know they had made Leprechaun 2, 3 and 4. Saw the first one back in the day (those little bastards were hilariously terrifying to my 11-year-old self). Of course after reading your post I had to watch the trailer on the YouTubes. Shall we take a moment to acknowledge Jennifer Aniston?
Your poor, poor friend. Let’s hope that he/she is spared a student like me for at least the first few years, if not for their entire teaching career. Thanks for passing on the worksheet! May it serve your friend well. Best of luck. :)
And wow, Jennifer Aniston. Let’s definitely take a moment. It was in my friend’s grandparent’s basement. We were maybe 13, 14. We rented several of the Leprechaun movies for Halloween and had a marathon. It changed our lives. I can’t remember which number, I think it was 4, but let’s just say there’s a nice shot of Jen’s, um, you know. Both of them. We rewound the video so many times, freeze frame, frame by frame, I think we wore the tape out. Best night of my life. The saw the world in color after that night. Jennifer Aniston.
Ha! My best friend and I watched Never Talk to Strangers with Antonio Banderas when we were about the same age (don’t ask me how we managed that) – and we saw the world in another dimension that night.
It must be hard to beat Zelda wearing an MJ glove with Kevin Costner backseat joysticking (that word never quite sounds prime time). My hat’s off to you. And for the last time, 40 is not “elderly.”