Ten Famous Autocorrected Quotes – Volume One

Suppose a young man with a wild imagination and too much time on his hands went to a greasy spoon diner one evening at 3 AM.   Suppose the same young man grew tired of all the belligerent drunks and lot lizards that usually frequent a greasy spoon diner late at night, so he began to surf the interwebs on his smart phone to occupy his time until his gyro omelette and rye toast were ready to be served.

Suppose that while killing time surfing the interwebs, the young man came across some famous quotes and later stumbled upon the humorous website, Damn You Autocorrect.  Now suppose the imaginative young man with too much time on his hands got to thinking:

“What if all the famous authors, poets, artists, philosophers, and great leaders of history had to use a smart phone to type their inspiring quotes?  Would their quotes sound any less smart?  Would they be any less inspiring?  What would the quotes read like if these great historical figures had to put down their pen and paper, and use the same means of communication that we use today – texting, tweeting, emailing, and other forms of social media?  What if the famous quotes were subject to autocorrect?”

Suppose the young man’s thoughts were to materialize.  I suppose you would get something like this.  Ten famous quotes given the autocorrect treatment.

001 Dalai Lama

003 Helen Keller

002 William Shakespeare

004 Mark Twain

008 William Shakespeare 2

007 Eleanor Roosevelt

005 Thomas Jefferson

009 Oscar Wilde

006 Mother Theresa

010 Martin Luther King Jr

My God.   What have we done.  Modern devices and social media are destroying our love shaft.  Our language!  Destroying r language!

What are some of your favorite famous quotes?  Leave them in the comments section below (140 characters or less, JK).  I’m a big fan of paying homage to the greats and I would love to hear them if you wouldn’t mind sharing.  Much obliged.

128 thoughts on “Ten Famous Autocorrected Quotes – Volume One

  1. Lol! This was hilarious! My favorite was the mother Theresa quote ” You can feed a pit bull too” LOL.

    You already have two of my favorite people up there. Here are two of my favorite sayings from them
    1) No One Can Make You Feel Inferior Without Your Consent- Eleanor Roosevelt
    2) An Eye for an Eye Will Make the Whole World Blind- Gandhi

    • Ha, thanks! Glad you got a laugh. It was a fun post to make. Great quotes. Thank you for sharing. I don’t necessarily keep a list, but found these to be pretty cool when I was researching quotes:

      1. We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars. – Oscar Wilde
      2. I’m sick of not having the courage to be an absolute nobody. – J. D. Salinger
      3. When you are courting a nice girl an hour seems like a second. When you sit on a red-hot cinder a second seems like an hour. That’s relativity. – Albert Einstein

      And perhaps a quote that the self-proclaimed Captain of the Dimwits should keep in mind for the future:
      4. It is better to keep your mouth closed and let people think you are a fool than to open it and remove all doubt. – Mark Twain

  2. This had me rolling over laughing! I love the Mark Twain quote! And, always, always Mother Theresa (the pit bulls was SO funny)!

    Thank you for beginning my day with a smile!

    • You’re welcome, Mother. It’s always good to begin the day with a smile (or a shot of whiskey depending on the kind of day one is having.) I love the Mark Twain quote as well. Very poignant. He’s a wordsmith, that Twain.

  3. Growing up on a farm, I literally had goat nads thrust upon me. Not cool. But this post totally was. Still laughing about it. Still crying about the nads experience too, but mostly laughing now thanks to you.

  4. Some Mancakes gal said I should check your blog out because she likey likey. Your use of historical figure quotes makes me wonder if you’re too intelligent for me though…lol.

    • Mancakes, huh? Never heard of her.

      All I can say is this, Don. I’m drunk on Franzia boxed wine right now. It’s only like 8:24 PM EST. Granted, that’s not as dimwitted as if it was 8:24 *AM* EST, but still. I’m a dimwit. Only dimwits get drunk on boxed wine. Maybe you need further convincing.

      As far as the historical quotes…don’t be fooled. I’m assuming you have a Facebook. And how many of your dipshitted friends have shared famous inspirational quotes and you’re like, huh? I thought that person was illiterate. How they gonna post a famous quote by Albert Einstein??? Exactly.

      Anyway, a friend of Mancakes (whoever the hell that is) is a friend of mine. Gonna go check your stuff out. Cheers mate.

      • Ha, Franzia! That might be worse than the Bud Light Lime I get unmercifully ridiculed for drinking all the time! Well, maybe not. It is wine after all, and wine is always classy. Good for you, sir! It’s noon somewhere.

      • Whatever Volunteer Manslave, now you wanna play blogger possum, faking like you and I don’t have this major commitment to each other for the past two days? Prepare for a 50 Shades of Grey punishment. (Bonk chicka mow mow). ;)

        • Thanks for your comments, James. I apactripee them.I agree that some restrictions have to be dropped in a “self-serve” system or that the system just wouldn’t work. But putting a limit on the number of items that a single patron can check out doesn’t seem to me to be the kind of restriction that would cause the system to bog down.As a library patron, I would apactripee the fact that more items were on the shelf when I was looking for them more than the fact that some of my fellow patrons had 200 items sitting at home. Realistically, there is just no reason for patrons to have more than a dozen or so items at one time, especially when so many of them are slow to return the items.Your system may have been burned by only one thief, but that one thief hit you with a huge loss in monetary terms and in the number of items lost. I just can’t see that you have justified the risk by the fact that you were only hit one time.As for catching him, the article makes it sound as if that was pure chance and that he was caught by someone reporting his eBay activity. Was he caught by anything that the library did on its own?

    • Breathe Michael! I know it’s in poor taste for a comic to laugh at their own jokes, but I must say that I had a few laughing fits myself while putting these together.

      Thanks for the feedback! And loving the Hunter S. Thompson quote below. I’ve never given him a read. Think you’ve just inspired me. Cheers.

  5. Pingback: Ten Famous Autocorrected Quotes | fumblephrase

  6. Since I don’t have an iphone or whatever, I guess I’ll never have a famous quote. But thanks for visiting Paper, Mud and Me and I’m glad you liked “Give Me a Break” even though there isn’t one famous quote in it.
    Later – Aloha.

    • Haha, thanks for the laugh Paul. I held off on getting one of those devil phones for as long as possible. But now that I have one, I have been writing inspiring quotes like crazy! You might reconsider. Thanks for the comment and mahalo.

  7. Thanks for…..Oh Hell!!
    I just snorted coffee all over my keyboard….I hope you’re happy. (This is what I get for trying to read and type at the same time.)

    PS. My favorite quote is RTFM. I’m not sure who said it first, maybe Scotty off camera, but it usually works for me.
    Absolutely great post.

    • Sorry about the keyboard! But I am happy you got a good laugh. And thanks for the quote. I had to look up what RTFM meant. HA! I musta missed that book on the readers club. Thanks for the kind remarks.

  8. Thanks for the giggles! And for visiting my blog! :)

    Quote contribution:
    You are a child of the universe, no less than the trees and the stars. You have a right to be here. And whether or not it is clear to you, no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should. – Max Ehrmann

    (Man, that quote is a perfect target. I could lolcat that thing to hell. [And it’s my favorite!])

  9. These are hilarious! I absolutely adore them! You just made my day. Thank you so much for liking my post today and allowing me the chance to visit your page and truly LOL! Wonderful!!!! Maggie

    • LOLing is the best medicine, isn’t it? I’m always thankful when others can give me a good LOL. I’m happy to return the favor when I can. Thanks for reading and for the comment Maggie. Cheers.

      • Yes it certainly is Chris. You asked for some favourite quotes… would love to see what you come up with for ‘Be the change you want to see in the world’ Gandhi of course and ‘Fear is man’s chief enslaver and pride his greatest weakness. Charlie ‘Snoop’ Schultz ;)

      • Oh, thank God i’m not the only one appalled by sit-down chcokeut clerks. And I know the stoner clerks well I’m convinced that there is a stoned, labor-law dodging 10-year-old working at my local ScotMid.In Australia, do they bag the groceries for you? That’s one thing I really miss from the States.

  10. Pingback: Thanks, Chris | Koi Scribblings

  11. Pingback: When Autocorrect Goes Awry! | I Want Ice Water

  12. “What would the quotes read like if these great historical figures had to put down their pen and paper…”

    What I find funny about this is if the young people had to put down their phones and use pen and paper they still would not be able to spell or string an even remotely grammatically correct sentence together.

    • How true! I have friends that are high school English teachers, and I don’t envy them. Of course they could have a hay day (hayday? heyday?) editing my material as well. Oh, well. I’m a dimwit so I’m allowed to have poor grammar. Thanks for reading and the comment Libby. Cheers.

  13. Absolutely brilliant and just the depth of laughter I needed on a dismal morning. My favourite is this one from dear Uncle Albert – play as you will with it.

    “The world as we have created it is a process of our thinking. It cannot be changed without changing our thinking.”
    Einstein

    • WAYYYYYYY tooooooo much time. I feel bad for anyone reading with all the spare time on my hands. It’s going to get pretty strange around here, so hopefully you’ll come back and visit again. Glad you had a laugh and cheers to you…

  14. If at first-aid you don’t succeeds, try trying again.

    If hav burst ooze use doom knot duck seed, thrive, thrive and hen.

    If art firs dew dome…

    It had purpose done …

    Odate…

    Ifaat…

    If…

    I…

    Aught!!!

    Aughmmm

    Soiree!!

    Aider!!

    Help!!!

    Oh Craig

    Oh crappies!!!

    This is nutbuggling!!!

    • HAHAHAHA! I’m just going through old comments and replying and came across your madness. Thanks. Pretty cool discovery to make at 4:38 AM on a lovely Monday morning. Might have to steal some and make up a new batch. Cheers .

  15. Hay fiend!
    Uh
    hey friendly word messier upper,

    I am the syntaxsinner’s love child
    I approve of this misdeedery
    This fouling uppance of verbiage
    I do not forgive it.
    I celebrate
    Love it
    And I put my phone BACK on stinking auto

  16. I was flipping a coin trying to decide whether to read your post or watch an episode of The Office during my lunch break. I fear I will have to fare them well and bid the crew adieu. You win. Now I may never know if Jim and Pam get married, but scouring the pages of your diary is proving to be a whopper of a substitute.
    Feebleminded you are not. Canny and clever are closer.

    • Hey thanks! Just going through old comments and replying. So by now you’ve probably had a chance to get all caught up on The Office. They get married!!! Whoops, sorry if I’ve spoiled anything. I am spoiled rotten sometimes. Thanks for reading this mad diary of mine. Cheers.

  17. So humorous, witty, and funny! Oh yeah, and creative. Don’t forget creative. And a great big thank you for liking my post ‘Visiting Planet Earth’. Much appreciated.

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