Dearest Fellow Dimwits,
Congratulations. You have just witnessed the first Dimwit Diary vanishing act. So what did you win? What’s the reward? How about a fake Brut By Fabergé men’s cologne ad featuring yours truly wearing a fur vest that I purchased in the women’s section of a local thrift store for a mere $12. WARNING: Mega, ultra sexy. Ad may cause severe heart palpitations, fainting, dizziness, shortness of breath, temporary paralysis, and in some rare cases, may even cause strong, uncontrollable urges to leave your boyfriends and husbands. Bam.
Yep, I’m still a complete and utter wang just in case you were wondering.
I do apologize for not posting more regularly, but to those followers of my past blogs, you should be familiar with how things work by now. To the newcomers, let me break it down for you. Generally I will go on an erratic wave of posts containing anything from unicorns, to zombies, to rants, to poems, or to whatever happens to be rattling around in my rattle-ey brain at the time. Madness, really. And just as I’ve begun to pique your interest and you’ve gotten into the habit of checking out my blog regularly while dropping the kids off at the pool during your morning bathroom routine, there will be a sudden absence of posts for several weeks or months on end. Sorta the antithesis of clockwork. So it goes.
I realize it’s a somewhat frustrating way to go about things. All I can say is this. Every once in a while a writer needs to put down the pen and paper, crawl outside of their heads, muck it up a bit, and simply live their lives, otherwise, what life experiences could they possibly have to draw upon?
So that’s exactly what I’ve been doing lately. Living my life, happy and free. Luncheons and dinners with long, lost friends, visiting with family, teaching my goddaughter 1990’s catch phrases like “booyah” and “getting jiggy wit it”, attending birthday celebrations, holiday get-togethers, gearing up for cookie exchange parties with divorced, suburban ex-housewives, attending music concerts, volunteering at events, being suckered in to watching the new Twilight movie by a group of maniacal friends, working, lounging, housesitting for a friend, taking long drives to Nowheresville, posting late night, drunken political rants to my Facebook wall, followed by deep pangs of regret in the morning. Ah, snap. I do rather enjoy the many splendors and spices this life has to offer.
Anyway, it’s been a while since I’ve checked in. I felt compelled to at least say hello and to let you know that all is well in my small, insignificant corner of the world. I can’t say when, but I have much more madness to share with you all. This rattle-ey brain never seems to give it a rest and the next wave never seems to be too far away.
In the meantime, I hope that you all are living your lives, and enjoying the many splendors and spices of life as well. You know what they say. YOLO – you only live once, or as someone recently pointed out to me, the saying should rather be you only die once. You live everyday. Man, tell me if that’s not some deep, philosophical stuff to ponder upon during your next morning bowel movement. And on that note, I bid thee farewell for now. I hope to get back to posting more regularly in the near future. Thank you for your patience.
The Captain of the Dimwits